FriGrillday Email #57
"SEASON FINALE"
Before
now, the Friday Email was just a bunch of random stuff, put together to make you
laugh… but now, from the abyss of the awesome power of nothing…something truly
terrible and unexpected arrives… A female character.- as is expected, the
entrance of such a character turns everything upside down (in some characters
cases, quite literally) leaving the once peaceful and happy friday in ruins,
what you are about to witness is the death of friday, we shall now call it…
grillday, for it not only gives you a nice crisp outer shell, but it leaves
little lines that people consider to be a sign of deliciousness- It all began on
a normal day… the panbirds were “Reeughitt-ing”, the fish were devouring the
lesser serving spoons, and horrified screams rent the night. Yes, all seemed
happily chaotic, but something FISHY was going down at the FISHING pier…- it was
all stusan’s fault really, he decided he would go back in time and order the
couscous instead of the hummus sandwich. Unfortunately, he activated a “quantum
food paradox” and unleashed the most terrible thing, the most feminine thing to
walk this whacked out world… Miss Fraise.-
alas, also with the quantum food paradox: TB was marooned in alaska, neo was
given a cold that caused his force field to stop working, king dustus began to
work up a mighty whipped-crème sweat all the time, phil’s wings began to cook
everything on high, and all the serving spoons began to think it was their
birthright to run away with all dishes in the world (by dish I mean plate with
fancy Christmas decorations on the rim).
Alas… all seemed weird… not weird weird… like… WEIRD weird…- not to be confused
with the weird WEIRD or even the WEIRD WEIRD it’s more of the kind of weird that
you see when you walk down some street and then you start talking to the barmaid
only to discover that you never really went home and it just happens that
someone’s making a television show about your town and some guy that lives in
your house and it just so happens that you haven’t been home in the forty seven
hundred and forty seven days and that you’ve really just been sleeping on the
set of that show after all the workers in that stage have left for THEIR real
homes, and you only realize that you haven’t really been home in such a long
(and rather grilldayific amount of) days when you chanced upon a missing poster
of you; that kind of weird- But I digress. On the day this dipped strawberry
terror appeared, suddenly all chaos vanished. Where there were once thorny
cone-eating plants, there were suddenly blossoms of friendship and GIRLYNESS.
Where there were once piles of dust scattered, blowing in the wind, there was…
CLEAN…-in other words, this girl was perfect, she got rid of all disorder, the
phantom ice cream cone changed his gloves for the first time in ever, and the
macaroni prince organized his vortex so well that it turned out to nothing more
than a park tunnel-and quite a parky tunnel it was… so parky, in fact, that all
marshmallows within a forty thousand foot radius burst into flame, screaming
horrible things, but being replaced by a brightly painted VW Beetle.
+this email will not be continued later. Have a nice day!+
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aSk NeO!!!
Hey!! I have GrEaT news today!!! Someone actually TaLkEd to me!! Of their own
free will! On to the ?!!!!!!! (On to the question…)
“Dear Neo,
Why is it that we ask the bad guy questions? Shouldn’t we ‘Ask Dustus’?
-Natalie”
what kind of question is that????!!!?????? as far as i know, we’re all evil,
every single one of the fridayemailigans has committed some ‘evil deed’ I mean,
just barely you saw stusan, who’s supposed to be a quote on quote good guy, ruin
the Friday email with order!!!!!! All I ask is that you give me complete world
domination… is that so wrong? AND I offer advise on all your life needs! So the
answer to your question is: because you love me and trust my wisdom, and, no, we
shouldn’t ask Dustus… because he shucks (trademark of tanco inc.) that’s all we
have time for for today sooooooo… toodles,
noodles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Phrase Of the week!!!!!!!
“A true warrior doesn’t NEED to plug in his sword!!!”
Friday Email # 56
"Let's Go Fly a Kite!"
thanksgiving... the one
time of the year where we americans have an excuse
to eat just as much food as we would any other day of the week, the one day
that we take out our lives to remember those who lost their time in front of
the tv to kill a turkey for us all... the one time in year that we gather
round a table and eat together as a big huge, happy, carnivorous
family...-But underneath that happy, meaty holiday, there is a great cause
to grieve for all the innocent fowl slaughtered...-and for all the poor ice
cream cones that no one ever remembers while devouring their pie for
desert...-Those who are left, untouched and unloved, on the furthermost, ice
encrusted shelf, mourning their unpopularity-but there are a few who will
resist the temptations to throw themselves in the nearest garbage can. those
who will fight the urge to leave themselves out in the heat until they have
melted to a small, sticky puddle-This is their story... or...rather not, but
still... king dustus: so... what's the plan here exactly?-Neo: See those turkeys over
there?- kd: yeah... what about em?-Neo: Well, we're going to bag 'em, bring
'em to the warehouse, and when the people of the world are alone and
turkeyless, we will rise to dominion!!!-phil: we aren't going to hurt them,
are we?-Neo: Where did you come from?-phil: let's see... i was sitting up in
a cloud about a day ago when i saw all you guys talking, so i figured i'd go
see what it was about, flew down to you guys said hi, you all said hi back
and then we left off on some epic journey and then we ended up here and i
just barely chimed in and now you act as though i haven't been here at
all!!!!! gosh, i feel SO loved!!-Neo: ...who are you again?-Phil: PHIL!!!!
MY NAME IS PHIL!!!! I'VE SAVED ALL OF YOU GUYS'S LIVES ON NUMEROUS OCCASIONS
AND NO ONE KNOWS WHO I AM!!!!-Neo: Oh! Right... Phil! Wait... Phil
who?-Phil: phil... ummm... well you see... uh... the thing about that is...
ummm... well what i'm trying to say is... I DPON'T HAVE A LAST NAME!!!!-Neo:
I'm sorry, stranger. It must be terrible.-phil: I'M NOT A STRANGER!!!!! I'VE
KNOWN YOU FOR ALMOST A YEAR NOW!!!!-Neo: What year are you talking
about!?-phil: never mind... let's get this plan into... wait... where are
the turkeys?-Stusan: Um... *burps*-mr. costume: where'd did he come
from?-Neo: Where did YOU come from?-m. castume: same place that i came
from.-Neo: So where did YOU come from?-m. castume: his house. *points to
macaroni prince*-Neo: JUST HOW MANY PEOPLE DID I BRING ON THISTRIP!?-TB:
YOUR trip!!!!! i thought it was mine!!!-Neo: Shutup, Igor!-+now why would
you talk to you BEST FRIEND like that?+-Neo: Best friend?-+well, it just
seems to me that you guys are like two trippy peas in a farout pod+-Neo:
That was supposed to be a secret!-phantom ice cream cone: what has been said
here must never leave the cave!!!!! *waves hands (which he actually has) in
a wavy motion*-Neo: WHAT CAVE!?!-serving spoons: *in unison* THE
CAAAAAAAAAAVE!!!!! -Chancellor Sorbet: Haha! Now! Move on, my minions!!! Take
the bunnies by surprise!-bunnies: ummm... we aren't bunnies... we are...
turkeys...-Neo: Oh, good.
well, you can probably guess what happened next… their meal was DELICIOUS,
and everyone enjoyed their thanksgiving meal… they talked and they laughed
and they forgot about all the troubles that had developed during the past
year- gloomy shadow: walks across the screen blacking it out- credits:
*roll*
+stayed tuned after these advertisements to get a never before sneak peek at
next weeks episode of the friday email… and by staying tuned, I mean: keep
reading this email for a little longer before deleting it…+-tonight’s
episode of the friday email was brought to you by turkey slayers inc. here
to remind you that you don’t have to wait for thanksgiving to eat twenty
pounds of turkey… and by ASK NEO: ask me a question, i’ll give you an
answer… it’s as easy as one… two… three!!! so ask me!!!!-+and we’re back!!!+
-thanksgiving brought them together… now the winter will bring them apart…
if you haven’t read a single friday email before this one… you might as well
justread them all any way… but this one will be a heart stopping friday
email if ever there never had been one… with the coming storm… a group of
some of our favorite characters will get left out in the cold… while the
others will be divided trying to survive inside their own little shack that
is keeping them warm… for now… next week is the start of an epic friday
email that is so amazing that it will require TWO WHOLE WEEKS! all leading
up to stunning conclusion of the email that’s hit the country by storm… some
one else guest stars in… “the as-of-yet-unnamed-friday-email”- “this
episode… rocks”- “i’d strongly advise against… missing this”- “all… i… have…
to say… is… this email is… the best…yet”-+ so… like they said… don’t miss
next week’s episode!!! to be continued+
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ASK NEO!
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i have an email!!!! mwehehehehehehehe!!!!!! I’m sooooooo happy!!!!
mwehehehehehehe!!!!!... okay… calm… down… neo…MWEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!!!
alright… moving on. now today’s email is from the far reaches of arizona…
from our very own… *drum roll* karen!!! yay!! wahoo!!!! it reads…
"Dear Neo,
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could
chuck wood?"
now, you see, i think that i would know the answer to this question more
than anyone else because i happen to be very good friends with a woodchuck…
as you all probably know, there’s been a lot of argument over the exact
number of wood that a woodchuck could chuck. but the main thing that no one
seems to realize is that there’s been no time limit set to this question, so
for your specific question, the answer is all and none… or rather, it’s a
trick question and con only be answered with: if a woodchuck could chuck
wood… or some witty little tongue twister such as that that doesn’t even
have to make sense such as: chuck wood could chuck woodchuck wood chuck could
chuck chuck, or even would the woodchuck chuck wood if the wood could chuck the
wood chuck would the chucked woodchuck chuck wood? but i know what you really
meant, so i shall give it a one hour time limit… which i have previously
experimented with with my woodchuck friend: i started the timer and the
woodchuck chucked the wood as fast as he could, when the hour was
over, ten trees worth of wood had been chucked by the woodchuck, proving
that a woodchuck COULD chuck wood. that’s all I’ve got for today… talk with
you all next week.
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PHRASE OF THE WEEK!
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burning something into your brain should probably be your LAST resort.
Friday Email # 55
"Lucky Penny, What's the Meaning of Life?"
troy mcloy: hello,
i'm troy mcloy... and welcome to my new show... LET'S
TRAP SOME GUY ON A RANDOM ISLAND! so today on the show, we've just snuck
into some guy's house and marooned him on an uncharted island... now here's
an interesting fact that i BET you didn't know, there's really not a ton of
uncharted islands around here, so instead... we built one ourselves!!!!! It
rests on the back of a submarine, which i'm sitting in right now... almost
nothing is real and/or edible!!!! so this guy is going to have a hard time
of finding something to eat, but the best part is... we WANT him to
escape... that's right we're PLANNING on it!!!! because we're going to set
up his rescue and his EPIC journey back to the mainland!!!! this journey of
course will have some pretty hilarious twists and we're hoping that by this
time, we'll have the guy talking to trees... which will give us a great view
of a CRAZY man!!!!! then, once he gets to his home town, we'll have already
convinced everyone to pretend not to know him!!!!! stay tuned to see what
will happen to this man on his ODEYSYISOUS... thing!!!!! role tape:
wha? where am i? sand... seagulls... shells... the smell of salt on my
breath... palm trees... crab... blue skies... ocean as far as the eye can
see... a camera disguised as a flamingo... this place is weird... well i
guess it's time for me to go get some food... hey look... a pig!!!!! *lunges
on plastic pig and sinks teeth into it* mmm delicious... i should roast this
for dinner... *skewers pig on a sharp pointy stick and puts it over a big
huge bonfire*- troy: now see this is a little confusing... you see this
camera just automatically skips a bit so i have NO idea where he got the wood
and how he managed to light it on fire, but i do know that we'll all be
laughing when he tries to eat the plastic pig and realizes that it's
plastic!!!!! oh, i'm ALREADY laughing- mmm toasty... that has got to be the
BEST roast pig i've ever had... of course it's the only roast pig i've ever
had, but that's beside the point, although it IS a lot more crunchy and
hollow tasting than i'd've thought... i suppose it's time to sleep...- troy:
the next morning:
wha? where am i? sand... seagulls... shells... the smell of salt on my
breath... palm trees... crab... blue skies... ocean as far as the eye can
see... a camera disguised as a flamingo... this place is weird... well i
guess it's time for me to go get some food...- phil: harrison!!!
harrison!!!!- phil? phil?- Phil: harrison!!!! it IS you!!!! some crazy guy
took you away and tried to bribe us with moldy bologna sandwiches!!!! OH!!!!!
it was terrible!!! i came here as fast as i could and the others should be
right behind me in a giant shoe box...-troy: hehehe... this is all part of
the show fellas... we're ummm going to get him off the island now... but
first... it's time for a commercial break.- well that's some interesting
news... want some flamingo?- phil: where'd you get a flamingo?- out
yonder... time for bed. *falls asleep upon finishing the last word of the
sentence*-phil: *looks at unusually still fish that's head is sticking up
out of the water* he's only been awake for about two minutes...? what's with
him? *laugh track comes on in background*
troy: AND..... WE'RE BACK!!!! i would just like to remind all of you that
this show is brought to you by al's car shoppe!!! if it's remotely like a
car... you'll find it HERE, if it actually LOOKS like a car... you MIGHT
find it here... and now let's see what happened so far... - *isn't on
screen*- troy: HUH!!!! where is he!!!!????!!!!????- Jimmy the Mailguy:
here's a letter for ya!!!! *hands troy a letter*- troy: hello. this is
harrison here... i would just like for you to know that i'm now safely at
home... i had a blast being on your show... thanks for the garden gnome...
and i love what you done to my house... i never would've thought of throwing
spaghetti on the walls, but it really look SPLENDID!!!!! thanks again.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo love, harrison. p.s. enclosed in the letter is a
collection of post cards that i have decided to send you for your show.
postcard #1
yo... peeps. it's me!!!! here i am on lotus island... these flowers are the
best... in fact i doubt that i could remember any better existing in the
entire... the entire... the empire... the umpire... that was in... gurgle...
click clack... -----------
postcard #2
hey... it's me again... i know it must have been a long time since my last
postcard and i'm terribly sorry for the delay... i have to say that this
middle earth island is the best one i've been on yet... no offense narnia
island... well, gotta go... gimli's trying to eat phil again...
postcard #3
hi... not much time to talk... this cyclops really took it the wrong way
when i tried to take a picture of his eye... man that guy has some anger
problems...
postcard #4
hello, i'm finally back home... this was the most fun i've had since my old
buddies decided to glue a ferret to my forehead and drop me of in the
rainforest in a barrel of cheese... thanks for the good memories and i
hope we can do this again sometime... c ya l8r
+well there you have... you know what... i've been saying that "well there
you have it" thing too much... i'm getting bored of it... i think i'm going
to end this one with... and that's the way it is!!!+
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ASK NEO!
whimper wimpier... no body sent me anything to respond to... whimper whimper...
i think i need a hug!!!! baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawl!!!!!!!- voice over guy: now
isn't that just a terrible thing to see? if you don't want this to happen...
i recommend that you all send him some ask neo questions within this
upcoming week... after all... it's for charity.
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PHRASE OF THE WEEK
pizza is a science...
Friday Email # 54
"Lah-de-FRICKEN-Dah!!"
When in the course of random
events it becomes necessary for a random kid to erratically collide with another
random kid, and it releases a great wave of randomniscity that causes the ice
creams to all rise and begin speaking, and everyone within a 47 mile radius to
say “Random” every other word, you get…- random… yes random induced random…
moving on to the amendments… amendment #
1… freedom of randomniscity and freedom to randomly sit down on any random day
of the week and participate in some random press…y…thing.- Let’s not forget the
right to wear a Friday email shirt which you can buy… as well as the right to
enter in the Raforsaken contest!!!-and we couldn’t possibly forget the totally
awesome prize, given away for winning… one of the shirts!!! which makes entering
a DOUBLE RIGHT!!!- Which makes NOT entering in the contest a TRIPLE WRONG!! The
asterisks for such a thing are located at the bottom of this email.- meaning
you’ll never hear of it again…wow…i’m
surprised…the world hasn’t blown up yet...it usually does about this
time...maybe it's trying to tell us something...-Oh, I forgot to tell you... the
world went on strike.- got tired of blowing up?-Yeah... Oh, Ra! What will we
do?!-we'll have to end the world ourselves,somehow... i've got it! we'll just
take these handy bombs of mine to the earth's core and set 'em off!-But... how
would we get there?-i was thinking we'd take the train. *smiles
strangely*-*sigh* Okay... I get it. I'll need a train, a giant drill, a mile
roll of wire and electrical tape, and a pair of wire cutters.-no... we're TAKING
the train.-Wait... taking as in TAKING, taking?-how else would one take it?-
Well, um... *conceals criminal urges* Never... Mind...-wellthen... best be
off!-world: *blows up after realizing that it's actually harder for it to NOT
blow up*
+What a loser... indecisive wimp. Be here next time... I suppose.+
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ASK NEO!!!
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Yo, sup dawgs? This next letter is from our very own Chloe! How'Bout dat? Yo?
Dawg? S'ere it is!!
"Dear Neo,
What are some of your favourite quotes?
Chloe"
*flips through "P Dawgs Guide of Speakin' Easy for Uncool Folk"* Umm.... Yo, dat...
question..izzle... is um.... *throws book over shoulder* I give up!!!
Now then, I shall tell you what my favourite quotes are... Although I sense this
has been done before... And I hate copying... so I think I'll take a TOTALLY NEW
APPROACH TO THIS!! *gets excited* Here are my favorite quotes that DIDN'T make
the cut into some of the most popular movies!
War of the Worlds: "There's no way we can stop these tripods... they're built
Ford tough!!"
X Men III: Wolverine: "WHY DOES THIS ALL SEEM SO FAMILIAR?!"
Van Helsing: "WHY DOES THIS ALL SEEM SO FAMILIAR?!"
Swiss Family Robinson: "Wait a minute... I don't know how to DO this!"
Chicken Little: Dad: "All right, all right, I admit it... I'm a bad parent."
Wizard of Oz: Dorothy: "Okay, does anyone else think that it's odd everyone has
zippers on their backs?"
That's it for now, kiddies! See you next time, dawg!
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Phrase of the Week: "Do we really need another one? Just use Neo's"
Friday Email # 53
"Shfantasmigorical"
Hello people. this is
your favorite friday email administrator. here to tell
you that raycello has something to tell you!!!- Oh... erm... yes. I have to
say... that um... Harrison has something far more important to say!-umm...
yeah.... *cough* enterthefridayemailtournamentwhileyoustillcan *cough*
there's a supree much bigger than the last deal that we had this month sale
at the mall!!!!!- Oh, yes. Not only have they raised the prices by 40%
before lowering them by 50%, but they've got...um... a giant bananas get an
extra 2% off additionally!-wow!!! what a deal!!!! that can in no way be beat
by any other deal!!! but we better hurry down to the mall, because this sale
won't last for long!!!!- Of course. *calls up to mom so she can drive us to
the mall* Um so... we'll be a while. *waits two hours so mom can shower, do
hair, and put on makeup so she can drop us off at the front, then go home
and watch Days of our Lives*-*sighs as he walks through main door to the
mall and holds the door open for a tall man with flame tatooes who runs off
with a purse* the wonderful smell of the mall... cheap fake cheese, moldy
food, and some unknown thing that gives it that delicious edge... what a
place!!!!- *gets distracted by bikini girls lounging at the end of the food
court*
They do know there's no beach nearby, right?- what are you talking about?
the tanning booth is a beach!!!!!- If that's a beach, then the sporting
goods store is a sprawling jungle. Both have fake plastic stuff.- good
point- man standing in front of metal cage containing a teenage girl talking
on her cell phone who has not yet realized that she's been captured: come
one, come all!!!!! marvel before the cheerleader who has been talking to her
best friend for seven days straight and has not yet gone over her
minutes!!!!!- Speaking of fake plastic things...- I can't decide... should i
be disgusted by the fact that they've put a cheerleader in a cage... or
happy that we now have one less of them to worry about?-Just smile and pay,
Harrison, smile and pay.- okay... umm, my good but quite unorthodox
friend... how much does this flip-phone cost?- the said unorthodox friend:
2,000 bucks... but it comes with free unlimited text!!!- OMG relly?! Im sooo
xcited!-wait!!!! ray, do you see what i see????-Avast, 'tis the rare, almost
endangered, giant cell phone suit man!!- ach!!!! ye be right!!! *twitches
violently as poacher blood begins to re surface after years of harsh
rehabilitation*
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaallllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!-
(Translation: "Death to all Giant Cellphone Beings!!!!!)- AGH!! What
the---SCENE SKIPPED FOR GRAPHIC VIOLENCE AND INTENSE CELL PHONE DEATH
SCENES----*sitting next to crazy mohawk guy, cufflinked to Harrison* I PLEAD
INNOCENT! WHATEVER THEY SAY, IT ISN'T TRUE!!!- I PLEAD INSANE!!! WHATEVER
THEY TELL YOU IT MIGHT BE TRUE... OR IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN MY EVIL TWIN... OR
MAYBE JOETHANIEL...- Police guy: Whay sre you guys even in here? We released
you like three hours ago! And where did you get those handcuffs?!-mohawk
guy: there's too much irony in your blood.- earth: *blows up*
+how will this strange fiasco end!!!???!! will harrison ever clear his good
name!!!???!!! find out next time!!!!!+
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ASK NEO!!!
Like, what up you guys!? Today, we have a totally awesome question from one
of my friends!!!
“Dear Neo,
What is your best pick-up line?”
Like, that is a very good question! If girls were even REMOTELY interested
in me, I’d use some of these!!!!:
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.
Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put
them in your eyes.
If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
Are you a surgeon? Cause you've just taken my heart away!
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
You stole my heart. But that's okay; I have another one at home in the
fridge.
My name is Neo, but you can call me anything at all. Just… call me. PLEASE.
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
And if none of those work… I tend to just go home for a couple of years and
read my inbox… I’m a very slow reader…
Hey gUyS! Don't forget to email me and ask a question!
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Phrase of the Week: "Well, I see YOU'VE got a nice marimba..."
Friday Email # 52
"Trading Spaces!!! is trading spaces with The Parent Swap!!!"
hola chinchilla…i know spanish
now!!! good ol’ land of the rabbits!!! time for the debate team to make a
rebuttal on my information that has been severely backed up by everyone…
including chuck norris. –(Insert Elle: Hello all. This is belovedness reciting
what sir D just said. Mainly, RUN FROM HIM. FAR, FAR, FAR…FAR! Away. Ray is now
begging for mercy. Elle is out. I love you peoples. I love you too D, but no one
else…dun dun dun…)- thank you for that and I would like to add that your grammar
on that was TERRIBLE!!!! Just had to say that… after all… what are friends for?-
(Insert Elle once more: D, you suck. After all, what are friends for?!)-…Now
that we’ve cleared that up, on to the… festivities.- right… the good ol’ pagan
ritual that everyone has accepted all across the continent!!!!-Oh, yes…
Halloween, the all-American pagan ritual depicting violence and horrid spirits…
how… pagan.- silly pagans and Charlie brown.. will he ever get together with
that red haired girl… will he ever grow hair… will he ever grow at all… will he
ever learn to handle the scissors?- I suppose not… but the real question is: is
it really worth it to spend 30 to 45 dollars on a costume that you’ll wear once
and never look at again, and walk around all night so you can get lousy Smarties?-
what’s not fun about getting sick off of all that candy and then having to wake
up early in the morning to go to school where you’re still required to think
straight- <Natalie: The whole waking up part, to start with…>- yes because you
wish to fall asleep one night and never wake up again!!!! And yet somehow still
be considered to be alive!!!!! As if that made sense!!!! just like the friday
email!!!! why, mike of humanity, why have you forsaken us!!!!!?????!!!???- He’s
forsaken us, because he really doesn’t give a flying cryogenically frozen granny
smith apple about the rest of us, because if you think about it, the ‘rest of
us’ aren’t a prime example of the humanity he’s supposed to protect.- king
dustus: whereas i am a shining example of the perfect type of perfect prects in
the retrospect of the x-men- that been done already, dustus- Neo: That's like
totally last month!!!!- now the way i sees it; you've got two types of
fertilizer... you've got yer cow dung and sloppy pig dung- King Dustus: Now I am
fully prepared to set off on the most epic Trick-or-Treating expedition
EVER!!!!!!!... My first!!!!- What's with the dramatic voice?-+yeah... that's my
job... not yours... now if you'll excuse i have business... *begins in dramatic
trailer voice*... in a town far away among people whose lives are shrouded in a
cloudy substance... known as molases!!!!+-hey, where's neo?- neo dressed as king
dustus using a very high pitched and pathetic voice: i'm king dustus... i'm
little girly-cone and fairy princess for halloween!!!!! me want some candy!!!
i'll tell my mommy if you don't give me some!!!!- How, exactly, are you supposed
to be a fairy princess?- ndakduavhpapv:i have pink sprinkles!!!! lalalalalala!!!!-
So let me get this straight... you're dressed up as King Dustus dressed up as a
fairy princess for Halloween- ndakauavpapv: i'm a fairy princess!!!-King Dustus
Unsing a Voice That Sounds Almost Exactly Like Neo's: Tehehehehehe!!!!!!! I'm a
fairy princess for Halloween!!!! Don't I look so TOTALLY
cute?????!!!!???-everyone besides neo and king dustus: *hangs heads in shame of
their idiot friends*- world: *explodes wishing not to witness the outcome of
this halloween*
+and thus the world ended... can you blame it? to be continued+
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ASK NEO!!!!!!!
ohmigosh guys!!!!! i finally have my very own section of the friday email!!!!!
isn't that like TOTALLY the bestest thing to ever reach the friday email since
dried grapes (raisins)!!!!!????!!!!???? okay... so like totally our first
question is from Taun of Shucksville, Kansas:
Dear Neo;
What is the common reaction you get from people when
striking up a
conversation with them?
omigosh!!!! that is like so TOTALLY a great question... ummm... i'd have to say
that the common reaction is awe... they stand still for probably about ten
seconds and then they run off screaming to tell all of their friends of
incredibly CUTE ice cream cone that they ran into... that's all the time we
have for now... tata, m'deers!!!!- deers: BLEEEEEEEEET!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
phrase of the day: you shuck!!!! (trademark of taunco)
Friday Email # 51
"Yes Meters"
hola peeps... this is
me... and it is friday... although it might not be by the time you get this...
but still... it's friday... and it might still be friday somewhere in the world
and perhaps by the time you get this it could be late saturday or even sunday in
other parts of the world... but now that we've completed our lesson on the...
time... zones... let's move on to physics- Exactly. Many scientists have perused
the massive compendium of all human knowledge, and come up with the simple
question of life. A computer thought this through and calmly declared that the
answer was 42. But now, with our advanced thinking...brain...things... we have
come up with a new question: If a moose is traveling at an average velocity of
635 meters per second, how did it get that fast and how many cars did it ram?-
hmmm... this is indeed a toughee (for those who do not speak perkyfroc that
means the it is tough with the knowledge that e was the first letter ever to be
invented, but they liked a, b, c, and d better so they put them in front...
also; q is not a letter... the guy sneezed while inventing the o) i'd have to
say that it all depends on whether or not the monkey really did eat the peanut
butter AND the cheese... if he only ate the cheese then that means that all
jocks will die in seven days and if he only ate the peanut butter then you would
have divide the answer for f(y) using eggplant and zucchini... ah but if he ate
them both then they could release the giraffe from it's comfortable jail and
tell us the answer... i don't know which i'd prefer...- Of course, you could
always go the roundabout way, which takes longer but is considerably easier. All
you need is 447 blank chalkboards, four years, and an intense workaholic state
put into effect by the loss of a loved one, presumably on your engagement
night.- you are forgetting the small beardy thing which he has been letting grow
out for four years and yet it still only looks like a stubby little thing that
might even just be makeup that some crazy guy with a starbucks membership
applied to you chin and teeth.- ...what? Oh! Oh! Despite the fact that we just
spent a few paragraphs describing nothing in particular, we actually have
something important to tell you!- indeed!!!! we have officially just discovered
the true translation of breakfast... besides that one where it translates from
the plate in front of you to the digestive acids inside you... of course our
computer is a piece of crap and unfortunately cannot write the original letters
of their language... but we can tell you what you alphabet soup is trying to
tell you!!!! unless your alphabet soup came from betty crocker... in which case
it isn't telling you anything since none of it's letters make sense any way.-
The message is... wait... be sure to drink your Ovaltine?! This is... Cheap...
Advertising... Corporate... Sellouts! *rants about how you should rebel but
somehow not be an anarchist*- Percy: thr eyso gfhye quinn anythf theig qyeuqw
quinn tag pax ty!!!!!- translation: I am now taking over this friday email!!! So
there!!!!- Percy: theu gjri sjduw quinn ghri pax ghtue tyen ty!!!!: translation:
That's EXACTLY what I said!!!!- Percy: thsu tkso quinn quinn the quinn quinn ty!!!!-
translation: I definitely said exactly!!!!- Percy: gjgey fueoid 77857 dhfgysn-
translation: Teach him a lesson Son... as in the big ball of gas that we circle
yearly- wait... we do that yearly?- sun: blows up in our faces and all life as
we know it begins to coexist with the primitive life form from
wheygfnajghskjsjghkdhskghsljdfhsdieirhfdjhsurkgf47-
+well there you have it!!!! i'm not saying that i know what it is exactly that
you have and i'm not so sure where you really have it... or even if you do have
it, but there you have it just the same... to be continued+
Phrase of the week: Ich habe dienes mutter!!!!
Friday Email # 50
"Around the World in 45 Seconds"
Hello, all, this is Ray, and welcome to the
luckiest ill-fated Friday Email since the Dawn of soap. Not to mention that this
is the fiftieth *cough*buyashirt/enterthecontest*cough* email, but it also
happens to be Friday, October the Thirteenth. Odd how the world works, isn't it?
To prove that Friday the Thirteenth is the unluckiest day ever, the Friday Email
is the best form of entertainment since bite-sized cheese crackers, and that
Worshiping OJ Simpson, far as I can tell, is NOT a registered religion, I
decided I’m going to travel across the country in a VW Bus with a teenage
cameraman and a malnourished monkey as my only company to wherever it is I
decide to go.
(NOTE: I used Magitechnology developed by Raine Sage and Santa Claus and it
should not be used by anyone under the age of Shfifty-five.)
FRIDAY, OCT 13: 08:30 HOURS
First on my stop, I went to Phoenix, Arizona, in hopes of meeting someone who
actually had seen a phoenix there. However, I wound up being kidnapped, having
all of my valuables stolen, and having my life force used by an urban cult to
resurrect the Native American god Shonisus, who looked like a giant burger with
antennae. After being tossed a hefty DeBurgrificator by my assistant, I dealt
with the massive cholesterol-filled monstrosity and saved the day. Again. Then,
I hitchhiked over to San Diego, my VW Bus, cameraman, and monkey in the
categories of “valuables”. I tried to speak to the people (coincidentally, my
old neighbors), but only ended up being chased by a Rottweiler into a palm tree.
After a fitful night of sleeping amongst the coconuts, I climbed down a little
stiffly and began walking towards San Francisco. Once I reached the port, I
stowed away, disguised as an inconspicuous purple pineapple and accessed a
laptop in the hold. So now I’m here in a cruise liner going to Ra knows where.
FRIDAY, OCT 13: 14:00 HOURS
Whilst in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, a freak hurricane roared up and
capsized my ship, leaving me floating on a large inflatable banana, going slowly
mad with the heat and resisting every urge to fling myself into the sea and be
devoured my the sharks circling my portable floatation fruit. I drifted off to
sleep, only to be woken up minutes later by fire burning my back, for I was
hanging from a stick over such a very thing, surrounded by natives chanting some
ungodly curse. Using my lingual skills, I informed them that Quetzalcoatl was
handing out Twinkies at the beach. Once they were gone, I bounced up and down,
flinging my stick off of the spit upon which it was rested. I rolled down a
hill, and came to rest by a quarry of small crabs, which I convinced to snip the
vines binding me. I then stuck my sick about a half-foot into the sand, leaving
approximately six still above; and I pulled the top of it down to almost the
ground and sat on it. It snapped back up, propelling me at tremendous speeds
towards the ocean. I was flying for perhaps several minutes when an unmanned
hang glider swooped by, and I managed to slip into the pilot’s harness. Using
updrafts and whale spouts, I managed to stay aloft, and landed in Tokyo.
FRIDAY, OCT 13: 18:50 HOURS
In Tokyo, after an incident with King Kong, Godzilla, Link, Mario, and Hayao
Miyazaki, I took a bus, which somehow flew across the ocean and got me to
Russia, where I ate Stroganoff, learned to kick dance, and solved the mystery of
the missing Princess Anastasia (Which actually is an interesting story… I never
knew pigeons were so aggressive), and decided to kick back in Greece. I took a
small biplane to Athens, but I never got much chance to relax, because the
plague struck and I had to ward off an evil empire of infested rats with only a
garbage can lid and a Spork as protection. The battle was long and bloody and
full of bosses, and I’m sure they’ll praise me forever. With that done, I rode a
double-decker bus to France, staring at the scenery halfheartedly, missing food.
When I arrived, I was greeted by a legion of French Maids, who presented me with
crepes, baguettes, and berets for no apparent reason. Nevertheless, I accepted
the gifts gratefully, and took a helicopter to New York City, happy and full of
French Pastries (Though I didn’t eat the berets… I don’t have a liking for
felt). I stepped off onto the pad and walked down to the subway and got mugged,
though I had nothing to give him, so he settled for my left ear; I wonder if he
was related to Vincent van Gogh. I boarded the subway, and went to Starbucks, it
not being hard to find… there’s one on every corner. I borrowed a laptop and
updated my story more, now if you’ll excuse me, I think I just saw a giant
cheese roll down the street.
SATURDAY, OCT 14: 00:01 HOURS
Unfortunately, I could not get a ride back home, so I had to walk. Along the
way, I met Jake, the talking Beaver, George, the at-large McDonalds Worker, and
several other atrocities. I trudged into my door at Friday: 23:59, finishing my
adventure as soon as Friday did. I was grounded for coming home four hours past
my curfew, only allowed a few minutes to compile my story and send it out to
you. My best advice? You might want to bring more stuff on a trip.
World: Yes, yes… I agree. Well, ‘night, everyone! *exfoliates* Wait… sorry…
*explodes*
+What kind of bus flies across the ocean? And where did Ray’s berets go? It’s so
inconsistent… Oh well. To be continued+
________________________________________________________________________________
DON'T BE AFRAID TO REPLY AND TELL US HOW YOU FEEL! IF THERE'S ANYTHING WE CAN DO
tO MAKE IT BETTER, TELL US!
Friday Email # 49
This email will appear later... be patient with it
Friday Email # 48
"Intacocated"
hello all people!!!! perhaps
you were wondering what type of activities filled the void between friday and
whatever day it is, and perhaps we'll be able to explain with a medley of
popular rock songs:
"You're as cold as dust in the wind blows doesn't really matter to the chinese
chicken, take a drumstick and your brain starts livin' la vida loca, cause i'm
blue da blue dee da blue dye!!!"
I hope that that was informative, considering the hasty way it was put together;
the lack of glue and a supportive uncle three times removed. Now we've cleared
that up, allow me to continue your lesson on the creation of everything. Before
us, Dustus, or even Julia, there was a legendary substance called "Macaroni and
Cheese". From that, all was created, espescially Julia. But that's another
story... for another time... and another dimension... and another narrator....
and another story... and another time.... and another dim.... okay I'm done now.
*switches off science-fiction narrator voice* And it all started like this....
*flashback sequence* Neo: Hey!!! That's not how you fold a new york style
pizza!- Arnold Swartshgejhgejr: You tell 'em, ma!!!-Flashback Ray: Well, here I
am, floating in the middle of the black void that is the beginning of teh
universe.... about to eat this strange, glowing substance that oddly appeared
from the land, that eventually would be called... something... Uh... I
don't...know...where....-+DUNDUNDUN+-Nerd: Hey... wait a minute! I can't BELIEVE
the impropriety! The inconsistency.... it's appalling! Up there, you said that
this "legendary substance" was long your predecessor and yet here you are,
discovering it!!!!!! It's insulting to the intellect of the people of my
kind!!!!!-Flashback Harrison: Don't you have a Sun Journey convention to go
to?-Nerd: Good heavens!!! I'm late!! *disappears in a puff of cheesey goodness*-
flashblack harrison: yum, cheesey goodness... i wish i could do that, all that
ever happens when i disappear is i lose all my hair and and grow an extra
appendage- Flashback Ray: He DOES have a point... we never make sense.... and
I'm proving my point by talking about the inconsistency of our future selves
when there is no possible way I could know about our future...- i quite agree,
i'd say we coud best compare our life at this moment to cinnamon toast
waffles... OH THE INCONGRUNTNESS!-Bored, underpaid teenager: Would you like an
apple pie with that?-World: NO!!!! *blows up*
+Will our heroes triumph? Will they get an apple pie after going to every
McDonalds in the state? Does anyone really care? Find out next on.... oh, never
mind. You know the drill+
Friday Email # 47
"RA's Vacation: A Nice Reprivisitaritorialisticism"
+it was a nice day... or rather it
probably would have been a nice day, had it not been raining cats and dogs, by
that i do not mean that cats and dogs were falling from the sky, i don't even
say that implying its original meaning; no it has not been raining so bad that
all the stray cats and dogs would be pulled out to the main street. i merely
meant that it was raining, and i probably should have just said that in the
first place. the point is, that i just plain didn't feel like saying anything
but "it was raining cats and dogs" but the true point is that it was a nice day,
if you enjoyed the rain and hail and cold, and if you weren't CGEB... unless you
were sick like him as well. poor fella.+ *stops playing strange and soft
sounding musical instruments that somehow actually sounded good together*- Wow.
RA's pretty good at this whole narrorating thing... unlike me...-+ that's
right... just go and cry in a whole like you do every saturday after you begin
to experience the friday email withdrawals+- okaaaaaay... moving on... as much
as i'd hate to end the nice little chat, i think we all got some partaying ta
do.- kd: by jove!!!!!! i think you're right!!!!!-+ so off they all went their
separate ways. harrison changed into his regular clothes (torn potato sack) and
went off to the national screaming convention+- tell 'em about my match-+
WHAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!???????+- never mind...-+ and ray went to jump off a cliff,
but was sadly saved on accident by landing in the center of the bowtie formation
of the panbirds... i can tell you phil knew what it was like to fry inside
blorthorg that day!!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!+- everyone: *stares at ra in
confusion*-+ ah never mind... forty six... and they're all in the game...+-
jocks: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!
heheheheheheheheheheheheh!!!!!!!!!!! sniffle hahahahahahohohohohhehehhohohaha!!!!!!!!!!
wheeze sniff chock die-+ well that was actually pretty productive...+- I'd
agree... or would i?- phil: you come back here sniveling snob!!!!! *pauses* oh,
an alliteration. *moves on*-phic: just so's ya'll knows and understandses... i
be the fantom ise creeeme cone... i don't know why my name phic... by all
meanses it soulded be'd fic, ges that just make me non... real...ed
hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! i just done made a funny!!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!-+
so what was your point?+- phic: what did you say about my
mother???????!!!!!?????-+*teleports self to mp's house... that's right... the
one in the vortex... with the cheese...*+- mp: wot! are ye doin in me home?!-+
what's up with you?+- nutin, sup bro?-+*teleports self to moon*+- tb: *in heavy
southern accent* taken... seat's taken- moon: explodes!!!!!... i mean... ummm...
*explodes*
+find out what happens next... next time... or... actually, to be brutally
honest... you won't hear another word about this... to be cont.+
Friday Email # 46
"The Council Guy 4... Fat Sam Goes South."
Councilguy of extreme baldness: I can't take it anymore.... the strawberries
tell me I shouldn't...-neo: what strawberries? TB isn't here... or is he...
*strokes chin*-CGEB: Nooo... the strawberries...-Guy in white: It's okay mister,
you can do this.-wait... isn't CGEB the physic?-I dunno. Even the psychics need
psychics.-let's just spare the melodramatic... y... ness... and go straight to
the flashback-Yeah... it spares the minds of our readers.-what readers... what
minds...?-...Never mind. On with the circus of horrible remembrance.-uhhh... mr.
bald? you gonna que the flashback or something?-CGEB: I'm fine really...
*twitch* here.-Doodahlahdeedahlahdoo...-fh: *is lying on the floor completely
full of computers and hard drives* uuuugggghhhuuuugggghhhhhuuuubbbb-FR: Okay...
that's NOT what they meant when they referred to "bytes"...-fbmrc: normally i
wouldn't agree with this strange friend of yours, but i have to say... if that
is was they meant by bytes... they were bad spellers-FR: Either that or they had
a myspel vyrus.-fh: yeah, but they got rid of those in the eighties...-FR: Or so
we thought.-+dun dun dun!!!!!!+-FR: Woah, it's that weird guy again...-fh:
something tells me we'll be seeing more of him... not to say that he hasn't been
showing up a lot anyway... but still-FR: And what's with those plus sign things
anyway?-fh: what's with the dashes?-FR: I went to Jared's.-fh: they sell dashes
now?-Yeah. Limited edition.-fh: eh, i like my diamonds better anyway...-FR:
Around sterling spaghetti?-FD: What?! Where?!-FR: You mean it's real? I just
made it up...-fd: uhhhhhh... yeah... i meant that it's one of my... favorite...
myths... that's it... myths-FR: Right... *to self* this place is full of
insane... things...-fn: dustus!!!!!!!!! i haven't seen you since summer
school!!!!! how've you been?-FD: Woah! Neopolitan Bonaparte!?-FN: Yes.-FD: Is
that really you?-FN: YES!-FD: You sure?-FN: YES!!!!!!-fh: at least someone knows
his own identity around here...-FR: Like you can talk, mister blue feather
gathering, computer eating, big headed kid!-fh: oh yeah, you crazy
corner-lurking, chicken!!!!!-FR: Wait... when did I corner lurk? And when was I
a chicken?-fh: in two seconds *turns fr into a giant chicken and moves a corner
right next to it*-FR: *pops out of chicken state* Woah... okay. THAT was
insane.-fmrc: yes... you don't know magic...-FR: Wait... you're a floating
costume!!-flashback earth: yeah, right... and i'm the queen of england...-FR:
...-flashback earth: that's what i thought-FR: *sent into state of shock by the
randomness of this place*-fn: *sees fr go into state of shock and begins to
laugh maniacly* hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm evil!!!!!!!!!! or so i've just
decided...-FR: ...Dude... why are you wearing a monocle?-fn: mwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!
because i'm evil!!!!!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!-FR: Are you like gay or
something?-fh: yeah, what kind of man are you?-fn: a dangerous
one!!!!!!!!!!!!-FR: You're not EVEN a man! You're ice cream! And you! *points at
FD and FBMC* you’re ice cream! And a floating costume!!! And you! *points at FH*
you’re just insane! I can't process this anymore!!!-fh: then don't that's what i
do...-Flashback Earth: Yeah, and I'm the powwow chief of Idontknowwhere...
*turns into a flowered umbrella by the sheer chance of 456,765,446,542,120 to 1*
+to be continued... unless we'd rather stay home and bake cookies in an easy
bake oven+
Or Queasy Bake!
Friday Email # 45
"CoUnCiL GuY.......................... numero trios."
Councilguy of EXTREME baldness: now let's
see... who's next? ummmm... neapolitan?- Neapolitan? What's that?- CGEB: one of
your crazy friends... you know that one with the chocolate strawberry vanilla
flavors...- No really. Who?- Mr. Costume: Uh, actually... it's me.- CGEB: oh...
well then... if you really want to see whether you're worthy of continuation of
your not so existant crazy and random and basically pointless life of
randomness... go ahead.- MrC: yes, well i think we should... WOAH!!!!! look at
my initial thing!!!!! it's awesome!!!!!- wow... he's right... that IS pretty
cool... *walks off*-CGEB:What is going on!? And I thought Harrison was in the
holding cell right now!- let's just say that your cell divided- And created the
24 chromosomes needed for life?- no, it made the 17 needed to bake a pie- Ah,
yes.... Queasy Bake...- well i'm feeling quesy- Like cheese?- kase?-Ya man.-ya
voll!!!!!- Vole: What?- hey!!!! it's a vole!!!! *highfives vole!!!!*-CGEB: STOP
STALLING! THE TIME FOR THE FLASHBACK...I...NESS!-is......?- CGEB: NOW!!!!!!- MrC:
Okay well do I get cookies now?- CGEB!: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- flashback:*Doodaleedahleedahdoo*-
fh: *is prancing down the computer store isle*- Flashback Koolaid Man: STIRRIN'
UP SINGLES!!!!!!!!- FH: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahHHHhhh!!!!!!!! *SHOOTS DOWN SANTA*-
FR:Well, uh... THAT was interesting... - FD: Let's get moving... something tells
me we have to meet someone soon...-fmrc: *is waiting to be found by someone*- fh:
*happens to see fmrc* you have a wierd flashback initial thing...- fmrc: I know,
you like it? I got it at Jared's.- fh: Oh!!!! you went to jareds!!!!! i've been
meaning to go there... for... some... reason...-(HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!^.^)- fh: woah!!!
it's a smiley!!!! where'd that come from?- FR: I honestly have NO idea... A
lotta weird stuff has been happening...- fh: yeah... like meeting my new
friend!!!!!- FR: New friend? Where?-(Hi! Again! Bwahahahahhahahahahaha!!!!!!^.^)-fh:
another smiley?-(YEs!!! I like the smilies. They make me smile! ^.^)- fh: who is
that... why do people keep fandomly talking to us from nowhere?-( I'm not from
nowhere. I'm from somewhere you don't know of. So there. *randomly covers
annoying harrison-ish person in marshmallow creme*)- fh: *talks even though he
is covered in marshmallow creme* well then, strange unknown person... you have
come from idontknowwhere!!!!! (Yes!!!!!!!!!! I'm the evil empress of
idontknowwhere!!!!!!!! *covers harrison in caramel and chocolate to go with the
marshmallow creme, then feeds him to her gigantic lobster.*)- MrC: so that's my
story...- CGEB: that... doesn't make sense... you weren't even really in
it...(*Randomly appears from idontknowwhere* But that's just what YOU think. You
see, he really was there, but I turned him into a giant lobster. And fed
harrison to him.)- MrC: wait... i ate harrison?-(Yes. Of course, you thought he
was an ice cream sundae. Without the ice cream. And some random person inside.
You just didn't know it was harrison. You thought it was ray.)- MrC: oh...well
then i'll just go and implode then... *does*-(*turns imploded mr. costume into
an un-imploded lobster/panda.* There we go. much better.)CGEB: AhHhHhHhHhH! yOu
GuYs ArE sO cRaZy ThAt YoU MaDe mE tAlK iN ThIs WeIrD ChEeRlEaD...Er...IsH FoNtY
ThInG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (*randomly turns CGEB into a platypus.* *laughs
evilly* I win!!!!!!!!!! Bahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!)- world: i'm bored... i
always explode at the end of these things... i want to try something new... i
know!!!! i'll implode!!!! *does*-
+well... that wasn't completely the same as exploding... tO bE CoNtInUeD...+(*turns
Ra into a rabbit/bird/scorpion/bat.* I win. I always win. Always. Because if I
don't I'll turn you into a random animal that will eat one of the main people.
Like harrison. Poor, poor harrison. Oh, well. *runs off to win more random
things in idontknowwhere*)
Right.........
Friday Email # 44
"Councilguy of Extreme Baldness... the Saga Continues."
Councilguy of Extreme
Baldness: *sighs and rubs head from last trial* Okay... so you, uh... Dustus. -
Dustus: KING. KING Dustus.-CGEB: what do you think it is that you do that makes
your existence so necessary for the continuation of this certain planet's
rotation and existance of lifeliness?- king dustus: ummmm... understand what it
is that you just said?- CGEB: but do you? i think that's the true
question.-Dustus: So... wait... is this a trick answer?-CGEB: that's what i've
been trying to say this entire time!!!!! all you friday email people don't seem
to live in the same reality as the rest of us... you live in some type of world
where normal doesn't exist!!!! your kind is a danger to us all!!!!! *is jumping
up and down frantically* *sighs* *sits down* okay... let's just move on to the
flash back part...-Dustus: Good... wait... is that a trick flashback?-CGEB:
YES!!!!!!-Dustus: Is that legal?-CGEB: only in ohio... but i think we can bend
the rules just this once... *bends the rule.............rs*-Dustus: Poor
rulers...-fh: *has decided to begin the flashback on his own* Here i am... only
knowing a few random people in this strange place of edible people. i've been
through a lot... after being arrested for eating someone and running into a wall
that i swear hadn't been there before... i can't remeber what i was saying-FR:
*also is completely lost* So... whadda we do now?-fd: *is walking around... not
yet knowing of the fame that would soon come to him... in the sudden appearance
of his dead uncle he never knew... and of the strange kids standing around that
he had once witness eat an icecream*-FR: Okay... am I the only one who notices
that these bars are made of pretzels?--fh: woah!!!!!! they are!!!!! you're
right!!!!! i guess there's always room for firsts-FR: Yeah well, start eating.
If people eat ice cream, I shudder to speculate what ice cream eats.-fd: *walks
over to the two strange newcomery...people...ness who had begun to try to eat
the bars (which he had just realized was made out of pretzels)* hey. what are
you kids doing? *leans against bars*- bars: *SCREAM and turn to dust*- that:
*had never happened before*-FR: Ho. Ly. Cow. THAT was something that is no
happeny...ful.-fh: i'd have to give you a big: that's something i would
definitely have to agree with you on *falls asleep, hoping that every one else
will either stay with him til he randomly wakes up or carry him with them*-FR:
That was almost as random as those chiuauahs yesterday....-CGEB interrupting
with flashback: get on with it!!!!-FR: Woah... did anyone else hear that?-fh:
hear what? *is wearing earplugs and humming very loudly*-FR: ...Never mind.-fd:
*gets on with it* soooooooo. what's up with the whole 'everything i touch
SCREAMS and turns to dust?-FR: Dunno, but it sounds VERY substantial to plot
evidence...-+*teleports the trio to place where they sell computers*+-FR: Wha...
this is the THIRD time this has happened in like four days! I'm starting to feel
like Aerous!-+well you should!!!!! and i'm going to be going now... don't want
to cause any trauma by telling you what happens+-FR: ..................All
righty then.-fh: *whistles along down the computer isle as if he heard
nothing*... *really didn't hear anything*-FR: Deer cheese, he's oblivious!-fd:
dear pasta!!!! did you just say deer cheese?-FR: ...Yes?-fd: *turns to camera
screen and whispers* the prophecy...-FR: Does it involve food? I'm starving!-fh:
me too!!!!! let's go get something to eat!!!! *has already eaten five
computers*-FR: I really should lose the freak...-fh: freak!!!! where? *looks
around comically to much laughter and applause from the folk watching this at
home*-FR: When did we get a laugh track?-fh: last wednesday... actually we never
did... i just love say wednesday!!!!-FR: Ah, well... how does spaghetti sound?-fh:
a lot like pasketti-FR: No... I mean... never mind.-fd: is it just me or have i
been incredibly forgotten?- CGEB: try being me... i'm only mentioned in the very
beginning...-FR: Hey look! Godzilla! Wait... RUN!!!!!!!!
+and they all lived happily ever after... wait...+
Friday Email # 43
"The Councilguy of Extreme Baldness Chapter, Volume, Part or Kraft package 1"
Council Guy of Extreme
Baldness (Or CGEB fer short): You may be seated. Today we are here to examine
the useful...ness of Ray and Harrison. This council will determine whether these
two imbeciles have enough purpose to continue to live. This council will
determine their fates!!!!!!!!-Yeah, yeah. Can we hurry it up? Avatar is on at
6.- well, isn't that bit harsh? i mean, just because you decide that we're
useless... ness... abilty... ful? wait... what was i saying? any way... get on
with it.- CGEB: We will start from the beginning... at least, the beginning of
your friendship. Flashback sequence brought to you by IMAX timesequences inc.-*Doodaleedahleedahdoo*- CGEB: That,
uh... was the flashback noise.-Oh, really?-CGEB: yes, yes it is. now let's get
on with it...- Flashback Ray: *is being chased by crazy thugmonkeys* Jeez... I
shouldn't have stolen that Tshirt of the dead... *is knocked out by thugmonkeys*-
flashback harrison: *is being chased by some RCGs* wow! i didn't know they cared
so much for their blue feathers... *is knocked out by RCGs*- +Two hours
later...+-Woah... Ra's narrorating?-+yes. so anyway... two hours later+ -FR:
*wakes up, tied to some weird kid*- some weird kid... otherwise known as
flashback harrison: *is tied to some rather ugly and annoying kid*- FR: Why are
you tied to me... and why do you smell like cheddar fish?- fh: wow!!!! you have
great taste in smell... that's exactly what i was swimming in when i found the
blue feather!!!- FR: Yeah, well... see this Tshirt? -fh: which one? the one your
wearing or the one that i'm wearing... or maybe the one that neither of us is
wearing?- FR: The one that I'M wearing. Right now. I stole it from Anubis and
some thugmonkeys.- fh: well that's interesting... why would you do that? it's
not even a very cool shirt... *is no longer tied to fr*-Modern Time Ray: Wow...
I don't even remember that...- FR: Yeah... so do you like grape soda, uncooked
dough Aangs and Rhyming?- fh: sorta... soda... and ds al coda!!!!- FR: Well,
there's supposed to be a rhyming convention in some weird town called
Icecreamariadaville...-fh: sounds good... *is there*- MTR: Wow... we did a LOT
of random teleporting in the eighties....-mth: yeah i know... it doesn't even
make sense... i wish we could still do that...- fh: wow!!! look at all the
random ice cream people and whatnot that seem to love rymming.- FR: Yeah... it
seems to somehow make me think that this will greatly involve our future
somehow...
+I...am SO hungry. To be continueD... like, really... we will this time... no
joke.+
Friday Email #42
Apples and Airplanes
hello everyone. this
is harrison speaking to you. and i bet you were hoping for a nice relaxing
friday email with a bunch of happy news about the end of the world. i'm afraid
that's not how the friday email works. you see the friday email is a
not-even-a-year-old tradition started by my founding self so many fridays ago.
we had sworn to tell the truth about what we were informed of the end of the
world to be. and i'm afraid to tell you this, but the end of the world is coming
in an entirely different way. and i am the only one to tell you how. normally i
would have told in a happy little musical type thing you know with all the: well
this is the end do do do we're not gonna make it. we are gonna die today by some
strange force of ice. yeah yeah yeah. but instead i will tell in the form of
words. using deep description and expensive ketchups. it all began one day when
i was walking down the street, you know just you basic whistling dixie kind of
thing, when king dustus invited me to a game of tag (no hands of course. i don't
think i need to tell you why... you should know. if you don't we haven't been
doing our job [which seems to change just about every day] of informing you of
the many power of the legendary ice creams [yes, they are legendary] and their
not-so-legendary other-food-items friends of not friends.) i said sure and the
game began. it wasn't exactly just me, the others were there as well (not ray
because she shucks [trademark of Taun Co. and Taun Inc. professional jokesters
and nothingness. never forget that YOU SHUCK!!!!!] more than any other one of
gang which doesn't drive a gang and unfortunately does not have a talking dog
that hangs out with the guy that probably ate the clues to my location [colton]
what a shame) well... i have to say, i've been taking forever in telling you the
end of the world this time. i should probably just cut to the chase, but the
door was made of hand-carved mahogany and i just couldn't knock it down... so in
short there we were. playing tag. one of the serving spoons had accidentally
been turned to dust, but that's okay because you can't kill them (not only is it
illegal to kill a serving spoon it is also impossible due to the fact that a
serving spoon was never alive in the first place and after they do something or
something is done to them, they simply pop back up good as new and tend to send
all their friend after the one that killed them [except that it was dustus and
they didn't really care because they were working for him at the time] in order
to terrify them into the point of becoming a serving spoon) that was about the
time that HE showed up... they called him Doctor Chocalate and Mister White and
boy was he one bad burrito he was the biggest soft serve ice cream there had
ever been, but they didn't care because he was a great scientist of sorts (sort
being that he didn't hang out in my fridge) but after a terrible flavor
accident, he became twisted... one moment he was dr. chocolate and the next he
called himself mr. white...
+ooooh a cliff hanger how dreadful... I LOVE IT!!!!!!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!! and no, i don't follow the rules of
laughing!!!!! so there+
Friday Email #41
Four Knuckles and a Friend Named Neil
So indeed... the question is, if a
cordless screwdriver goes off in a crowd of deaf people at an earplug
convention, stabbing the closet man in the stomach, does anyone hear his cries?-
well that question may seem familiar but i don't really care because, as they
always seem to say, history has a way of repeating itself, and this exact event
has indeed happened once again, only this time it is not out in some forest, it
is among a big huge convention that had arrived just left of the giant parade
that hadn't yet happened- Which brings us to the parade, for in fact, the
convention was the day before yesterday, the predicted end of the world by the
Weekly World News, along with the vampire cat baby and the return of batboy.- ah
yes... batboy, i had always wondered where he had gotten to... not that i, uh,
read the weekly world new... *cough*... anyway, now back to the parade... it
hasn't yet happened, but it will, oh it will, and so we have added a float to
the parade and, because poor MP had his parade rained on earlier, we have
decided to have it have a fancy king dustus theme, MP would be so proud.- Indeed
and here we have our first float, a rather interesting medley of Sonic the
Hedgehog and Matrix, resulting in a rather interesting finish.- and now here
comes the toolz float, look there's the nails performing some flips and what
not, i'd say they nailed it.- And they sure are tough, though that one at the
end looks a bit screwy... oh wait... that explains it. Though this float isn't
exactly Friday Email related, I don't think we're on the same level... Maybe we
should have hammered the theme in a bit more...- in my opinion the guy that made
this float has a screw loose, but if he's listening i'd like him to know that we
aren't making fun of him... it's merely some constructive criticism- Saw that
coming.- now here comes the friday email float headed by who other than king
dustus, yes, well that would explain why there's not much of a float left... not
the smartest move... phil doesn't look too happy.- Yes, now here's the musical
theatre float, headed by The Phantom Ice Cream Cone, who is treating us to a
song... hm.... nice melody.... wait. Did he just say what I THINK he said? ...Oh
goodness.-... and now here's the serving spoons driving around in their little
flying carpet cars... isn't that great. oh now here comes the police to get rid
of all the candy junkies that have gathered, look at neo run... i didn't know he
was that fast...- Oh, look, there's a guy giving out free vaults. *watches as
safes, banks, dead bodies, and other methods of storing valuables fall on
innocent bystanders.*- didn't know that they could do that... so the police is
out after candy while safes are falling on their parade... i guess all parades
have to be rained on somehow...- At least it's not like when it was raining
saridnes casserole....- speaking of saridnes... here's their float... looks like
it's a... yes, yes it is... it's an atom bomb, poor chicken...- Arise, chicken.
Okay... now here's the Blueberry Blast float... RUN, PEOPLE, HE'S SHOOTING OUT
TOOTHPASTE! Okay, I'm calm.- oh... well i'm not the next float is playing some
backstreet boys song... i can't tell which one... maybe all of them.... at the
same time... why am i not writing in caps!!!!!!!!! that was a question.- Well,
they ALL do, sound the same, why am, I, putting so, many com,mas,? Oh, their
float, is going past. Whew. That's gone.- well... you're in dead place!!!!!!!!!!
*world blows up in disgust from the terrible comeback*-
+Why didn't I get a float?+
-Oh, sorry. And here's Ra's float, with Osiris, handing out free CDs for bad
popular music, and Anubis handing out plagues. Ooh, frogs. You know, I never
understood how that's a plague.-
+Thank you. In conclusion, i look good in red.+
Friday Email #40
Community Leg
Once in
land land far away there was a not so stupid time filled with potatoes and all
of the jocks were out playing weird-thing-at-the-bottom-of-your-legball and all
of us were valiant knights filled with power and the desire to eat all things
cheesy-but one day in the same day mentioned before, there was an unusual lack
of cheese and jocks, no one really missed the latter, but the previous loss was
mourned for centuries, or at least it probably would have if these people would
have had the capacity of thought to mourn something longer than the sudden
appearance of a chicken (which happened about every three seconds)-But there was
one chicken who refused to appear every three seconds. This is... his
story...Well, not really, but for a dramatic story in rotisserie style you need
a few dotdotdots.- or at least we would have had a couple of them dotdotdots, if
it weren't for the fact the dotdotdots were the lone chicken’s (the same that
refused to appear every three seconds) agents, and yes, he could afford an agent
because instead the cows typing the true story is the one of the chicken
designing nuclear weapons, remember that one invention by einstein, that atom
bomb, that was the chicken, einstein took his idea (with the chickens permission
of course, because the chicken knew that no one would use his ideas to blow each
other to bits if they knew it was made by a chicken, people don't like to think
that a chicken is why they are blowing each other up.)-And though the dog knew
what was going on, no one believed him, I mean, would you believe a talking dog
who came up and said that a chicken invented the atom bomb and sold the idea to
the world's greatest genius, and King Dustus was coming to attack your farm
astride a gargantuan flaming purple dust resistant marshmallow while the endless
line of energizer bunnies were coming to steal your fridge? Probably not. But
look at what happened to Atlantis.- indeed, it is regrettable that atlantis had
to sink into the depths of the great seas, but it is also regrettable that you
can't have a fridge full pre-wrapped bacon in every room in your house, but that
can't be helped because the man that made that rule is not only the sheriff, but
the mayor and bailiff too. So i guess what i'm trying to say is that you should
just take your advise from the advise column in autumn newspaper only and never
spring, because purple is a fall colour and it is the middle of may!!!-Yeah but
just remember, when you and Cam Clarke are walking down an island and zombies
are jumping out at you, they'll probably help you kill the evil orange cat
things.- Now when a thing of those proportions are to take place in your living
room (which is inaccurately named because, much to you and your german great
uncle's dismay and disarray, no one is living. and yes that includes you, you
german great uncle and your orange cat thing which you somehow managed to tame
instead of kill which is what you did)-And then Hank Azaria comes down in his
bat suit, and Scott Menville, mistaking him for Batman, was following close
behind even though Bartok is white.- now this brings me to the question of
whether or not white is what it seems for, as it should be well known among
french snakes and drama queens of the land of dorfgothsudhfngdnch which is not
pronounced at all, white is only what the one who wears the white perceives the
man who did the waking while the man who did the sleeping buys the man who did
the waking a drink to be.-And then again, VHS's are not what they were once
perceived to be, I never thought that one could go to a movie and see only
previews for CGI films...- then again it seems that if you were to see those
commercials too often one could find himself waiting in a multidimensional world
where technology is considered a trash can because they have two mouths which
only causes more trouble because all the listening one would get was double talk
or a new face to show to their mothers and their best friends sisters
acquaintance’s aunt- And while Knuckles may be a soprano, the recently
rediscovered retarded bird called the Walleyway Warbeler is indeed a bass, and
its sound is so profound (pauses to bask in the glorious rhyming) that most
human ears cannot even hear it, because if a Walleyway Warbeler pecks out a deaf
man's ears with no one for miles around and no one to hear his screams, does it
make a sound?- well to answer that question you have to test it out for
yourself, being the deaf man and not the person who didn't hear, for being deaf
may mean that no sound is made, but at least you heard the sound, before your
ears went MIA they were a good team, always telling you that there was nothing
to be heard in the vicinity of the dark and scary cave in which a group of
stupid scientist that conveniently don't speak your language so you can't figure
anything out from the ramblings of their associates went missing- And
Icecreamariadaville's official language is Sandwich.... *turns to Harrison's
mom* So... seen any good magitechnology lately?
+TBC... Heh more three letter ABV haha... another one... haha... don't you get
it...? Ah, never mind. To Be Continued+
Friday Email # 39
"It's All Coming Back to You..."
Hello and welcome to the
Friday Email!! When Harrison disappeared a while back I thought maybe I was a
goner, but then I realized that the poisonous yellow spotted marmosets on the
wall were just an illusion that a highly advanced hologram projector that was
WAY too advanced for the seventies was projecting somehow into thin air and
after I pulled the mask off the swamp monster of the Serengeti legends even
though I was in New Jersey and realized it was Mr. Jenkins, the cranky old comic
book store owner, who had a claim to an ice cream mine out in New Orleans, then
I thought maybe I could get into my multicolored, conspicuous, not very
detectivelike Van with my friends, the girl who wears too much purple, the girl
who needs Lasik surgery, the guy who ate the clues telling me where Harrison had
gone off to, the dog who talks, and the weird dude who wears a blue neckband and
goes off alone with the purple girl WAY too much. But suddenly out of the corner
of my eye I saw JabuJabu surrounded by a swarm of fire bats and one of them had
a hookshot and he shot it at me and somehow it pierced my chest and pulled me
into another dimension that was one day behind, and, as it was explained to me
later by this one guy in a tuxedo and monocle, it may be Saturday on Earth, but
here on... wherever I am, it is in fact Friday, albeit a strange one. Then
again, after Dec. 9, 2005, who can say that Fridays were normal ? Then again, if
a Friday is expected to be out of the ordinary, wouldn't an odd Friday actually
be a normal one? Then again to the ethnic majority, AKA not anyone who GETS the
Friday Email, this would indeed be an odd way to spend one's Friday, when there
are so many other interesting things to do, such as go tanning, shopping, and
get Botox injections. Then again, I don't care what they think...and then again,
not caring about the opinions of other humans, such as cops, jurors, and the
insanely rich, can land you in jail, which is bad. Then again, you get garbage
bag rings in jail. Then again, you can get stabbed with a toothbrush in jail.
Then again, you can get stabbed with a toothbrush out of jail, as well as die in
less favorable ways. Then again, dying is hardly favorable to the sane. Then
again, I'm not sane. Which brings us back to the question of normality. Does
one, in fact, want to be a little grey blob for time and all eternity? If so
there would be less religious, material, and clown-cult wars on earth. Then
again the clowns and walking oil monsters hardly would be clowns and walking oil
monsters. Then again you'd go up to someone and be like, "Harrison?" And the
blob would be like, "Um, my name is Sally." Gym would consist of practicing your
shapeshifting and fitting into ridiculously small tubes used for traveling. And
instead of turkey, pizza and Cheese, you'd eat these little grey pills because
the animals would be grey blobs too, so you wouldn't be able to tell whether or
not it was a human or an animal you were killing, chopping up and packaging to
be deep frozen. Which brings us back to my present situation. I seem to be tied
up in a polar bear's cave, whilst the polar bear, (who I heard his wife calling
'Snowflake' although he probably doesn't want me to know his name which reminds
me: Parents, don't ever name your kid 'Buddy' or the like. It may be cute when
he's wearing his sky blue sailor outfit, but when he grows up to be 300 pounds
of pure muscle and his sailor outfit consists of black pants, boots, a bandana
over his unkempt dreadlocks, and a huge tattoo with a dragon fighting a tiger
across his chest that you can see because he lost his shirt in a fight with the
Kraken over the last piece of bacon on the ship, and he says his name is Bambi,
it's hard to stop laughing and you take a deeper swig of your ale because you
know if you laugh, he's going deck you with his cannonball fists and he and you
are going to get thrown out of the tavern, which could result in more fighting,
and you don't think it honorable to use your sword against an unarmed man, but
you also don't think it profitable to be smashed, crushed, pounded, then dunked
in a barrel of pickled fish, then left there to wake up and wonder where the
heck you are, only to be on a boat to Singapore. But I'm getting off track. Back
to the story.) was looking at a chart showing how to kill, butcher, then package
ME for deep freezing. (The deep freezing part had already happened.) But
fortunately for me, some weird goddess of discourt gave me a magic ring that
kept me warm and I, being of sound mind and buff muscles, broke the ropes
holding me and fell on my head, but I recovered and ran out into the blistering
blizzard. (Ooh. Illiteration.) Now I'm hiding under the stagecoach of the queen
of England typing on a laptop I fashioned of elephant tusks, catfish whiskers
and one rather cheeky fellow's bayonet. Wait a minute... No I don't want a free
Playstation 2! *clicks the 'X' on the pop-up*-Computer: BOOM! *crashes*
+What now, fools? To be continued+
Friday Email # 38
"Future Friday Flashback"
hello... it is friday the
ninth... probably not for you, but in my day and age, it is. now... you may
think that you know who i am... but you have no idea... wait, too devious?
huh... i'm new at this... i'll just tell right here and now that... i've never
done this before... okay, get a grip... i'm just as good at this as any other
heirs... i'm the special one... i won this, no i earned it. oh... that's sounds
devious also... howsabout, i throw in some dust... there we go... now that's
funny... right? no. no, questioning is bad. just get on with it. okay... my name
is Haarrisonian, i would have been harrison the... thirty...second? yes, but in
this ever changing world in which we live in made my parents give it a cry...
*coughs* sooooooooooo... about that future... well let's see... a long time ago
or a short time in the future... harrison... the one you all know so well,
decided that he was going to make the friday email characters, real (including a
rather cheeky gryphon) wait no, you call them RCG's right left and drive the
bus... man what is up with me...? i just can't seem to do anything with the
logicall...y...ness...ability...ful? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
soooo... in your future he dies, but not to linger on the fact that a rather
polite dustus bonaparte is truly evil, but then apologizes after every crime...
IT'S ANNOYING!!!!!!!! but that's not the point the point is... well...
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (you guys do do that right?) that i am craving a gummy
worm!!!!!!!! but i don't have enough money!!!!!! *cries* you guys know how it is
right? you're sitting there thinking man i could sure go for something sweet and
gummi and then you're like... NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! gummi worms cost $400 a
pack!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ain't that the cruelest? ain't life the pits? now... lets
see... when last we left off... our heroes were struggling to maintain a firm
grip upon the stick on the side of the soap bubble cliff- that's right we are
hanging off a cliff- And it doesn't look good for us... Hey look, it's our
friend, King Dustus- king dustus: that is me!!!!! i will save you!!!!!- neo: not
on my watch!!!!!!- TB: what watch?- Stusan: time will bend to my
will!!!!!-+think again!!!!!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!+- MP: pardon me... but
can't you finish this adventure OUTSIDE OF MY BATHROOM!!!!!!!!- wow!!!!!- You
know there used to be a time when you were polite!!!!! *Walks away*- MP: well if
there was i wouldn't remember it!!!!!!!! begging your pardon of
course...-Lutenant Pirouette: reporting for duty sir!!!!!!- KD: good work.
hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!- Phil: look out below!!!!!!! *swoop* swoop- neo:
swooop?- floooooooooooro creame!!!!!!!!!! mmmmmm!- marinated mustard massacred
maliciously do do do!!!!!!!!!- Stusan: preparing to enter warp speed.- KD: ummmm
if we're going really fast and i start to scream... would my head explode?
+find out next time+
so... how was that? was.. was it good, did you like it? KD: it was okay... but
where was the randomness, too much suspense and why was i sooooooo stupid
sounding... i don't sound like that to you do i, harrison?- of course you do...
of course.
+are you as confused as i am? what was up with me did i really just come our
randomly and yell some stupid catch phrase?+- haarrisonian: wow! it's really ra!!!!!-+
stop touching my face!!!!!! ow ow not the ear!!!!!!!!!+
Friday Email # 37
"Secrets of the Universe."
hello. this is harrison
speaking, know ye that I have hardly an ounce of time to talk and a little over
ten gallons of information to spill. what you are about to hear may shock you,
it may even disturb you. it’s a story of betrayal and piracy and mutant
dachshunds of the teenage age. It all began one day many fridays ago…- flash
back scene: I quit, go find yeself ye own way of story of the telling… telling…
ed- fine. So there I was… *waits for flash back secunede*-+ Spanish and idiot
not spoken here+- hot on the trail of the great moby tadpole while ray was back
writing the friday email… or so I thoughted, thanks to the combined information
of an RCG RDI a TMND and ray’s very own tongue (no rays aloweded)- theme song:
teenage mutant ninja dachshunds… heroes in hot dog!!!!!-+ what is this
witchcraft?!!!???!??!!?”?>:?””?:>?”:>???”{{::”_ bow down before my mighty form
or suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune for :what happens in the
friday email stays on the friday email… unless we feel like telling it or
someone finds the website and blabs about it to shredder who isn’t quite sure
he’s found the turtle… I MEAN THERE’S A BUNCH OF MUTANT HALF TURTLE HALF HUMAN
THINGS WALKING AROUND ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!! AND MAN!!!!! AM I WORKED UP ABOUT
NOTHING!!!!!!! YOU GUYS DON’T EVEN KNOW THE THREE QUARTERS OF IT I MEAN!!!!!!
I’VE BEEN SEEING POLKA DATES … or was it poke your dates? Or maybe polka days…
WITH A DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!+- okay………………………………………………….>0.0< Yay!!!!!!!!-
king dustus: ahem………………………… *clears throat*………………..
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *breathes*
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DUST!!!!!!!!!- now wear was i? Or
wasn’t i? Or weren’t sie-+ Can it be? Can it be canned peas? Silent in the
stove?+- what is up with the interrupting and the screaming and goofing
around?!???!????!!!??!!!!!!!!!????!!!??!!!???!! this is a serious business like
type area thing!!!!!!!!!- everyone *is silent*- everyone *bursts out laughing
their tentacle cover head with glowing purple eyes while the light fantastic
swirls threw their gun dropped-on-the-floor headsesss*- under certain
circumstances the act of piracy, in it’s self may be the right choice, but not
in ray’s case, soon after joining captain longshanks’s band scally and tail
wagging buck an ear of corns, she was killed by a giant hammer head and his
friend wheel witless ouimet omelet doing a ballet number 5 with a 60% certainty
to work, all the time-+ or so our heroes thought, but shooting yourself of the
edge of the worlds is not the best idea there was to have, it many risks, even
if you used the best arrow in town fired by the strong archer the never could
have been on a count of the lack of anyone knowing what the crap a tiger is
supposed to do besides eat tuna (in handy sandwich form of course+- of course-
king dustus: of course- oracle: of course.- well now that you know( and knowing
is 4.9999999999999999999% the problem) it’s time for our last stand… so everyone
stand up!!!!!! Oh… sorry professor.- professor: no big whoop, dawg. Yo, didja
that new vid on the box?- true dat, I up to shnizzoff on all new popular trends-
Prof: WORD!!!!!!!- tanto, I need you to go to town.- tanto: saint happenin'-
saint happenin': did someone call me?- I say, throw da bum out!!!!- he’s in the
livery stable!!!!!!!- get 'im!!!!!!!!- I’m interrupting myselfffffffffffffff-
someone else's life is flashing before my eyes!!! !!!!!!!- I don’t have any
toes!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!! !!!!!!!! ! ! -+now isn’t that special+- time… is… runnin…
low… i… must… tell… you… as… fast… as… this… telekinetic… keyboard… will… allow…
me… to… fervently… and… desperately…- valentine: oh no adverbs, please.- and…
strong… heartedly…wait… what… was… the… question… again? and… what… is… this…
weird… and… unusual… thing… that… is… grabbing… at… my… *dies via strange death
carrying thing from the other side of the paper that had been drawn in*…
PEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- william penn: who me?- yes you!- wp: couldn’t be!- then
who?- wp: bowser took the cookie from the cookie jar!- bowser: *is busy duking
it out mit deines muter… I mean…*coughs* a balrung.-
+who will win… find out next time on secrets… of… the… universe…+
Friday Email # 36
"The Greatest Joke Ever Told"
hilo!!!!!!!-Milo!!-rilo!!!-Kilo!!-don't
you mean, kily? or something- Nooooooo....- well, this laptop hates me, the
technokenetic ones like me much better.- Everyone and everyth- +
Muwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! *doesn't follow laughing rules+- what up,
ra?-+Oh you know, between punishing mortals for their stupidity and visiting you
guys, all I ever do is chat on Myspace.+ -Uhhuh.....- well there you have it,
you heard it here first people, the great and powerful egyptian god is on
myspace.-+ indeed. it helps me find more subjects, although usually if they
spend their free time on myspace like i do then they aren't exactly loyal+-King
dustus: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *breathes* HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
DUST!!!!!!!!!!!!- what di you do this time, homie g?- King dustus: what's with
you?- He was involved in that one incident this past whenever over the
rainbow.....- TB: is confused. and yes i did say that.- Sigh. Wait I know! Let's
all say otomotopeas!!!-Hippo: That's my cousin!- shut up, henry!!!!!!-
Uh...huh...-+So... did you read this recently carved hieroglyphic of the Tuesday
after the day all tortoises bowed to the chupacabra once he'd accumulated all
items within the Hyrule area?+- no i didn't get the chance, but i did read the
scroll on the strange event where the pie and the pi were duking it out with
their only weapon being a poisoned watermelon.- Now that is one thing you do
NOT want to miss. Capiche?- Capiche: Moooo?- moooo: ray?- Your mom. So....-death
solves everyone's problems.- Neo: you're right there.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! *didn't follow rule*- Oh snap.-
come back chimpppy!!!!!!!!! and yes that DOES have three p's- Well, you guys,
we've got to go. I have to prepare for my camping trip, and I'm sure Harrison
has to do... something. king dustus: very well, i shall sit here and have a
nice... chat... with... neo.- Neo: Hehe... yes... a CHAT. That's right.-Um...
that can be interpreted very WRONGLY...- Neo: I meant I was going to KILL him,
nimrod.- Oh, okay.- king dustus: oh, okay... wait.-+ what about me? i get no
mention!!!!! i should kill you for that!!!!!!+-Neo: Oh REALLY.-+That's right
Muthha.+-Neo: Wait, what?-+Egyptian god of retarded Gangsta insults.+- Tb:
ohhhhhhh, do i get to kill him yet!?!?-+No. *transports everyone to random
Fantasy Castle at the outskirts of Icecreamariadaville*+- TB: Now?-+ yes+-
stusan: not until i get there *is there*-King Dustus: *in tiny voice* wait...
who's that? *points at incriminating shadow down the corridor*-Mysterious
Shadow: It is eye, Chancellor Sorbet. I've been watching you for some time,
Dustus.- King Dustus: WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME!? WHY CAN'T THE MUTANT FOES THAT
EVOLVE FROM TASTY DESSERTS EVER GO AFTER SOME INNOCENT BYSTANDER NAMED BOB THE
CRAZY HOT DOG MAN?!- Sorbet: Because i have serving spoons!!!!!!- Lutenant
Pierette: Sir, ze crazy pink baskin robin's army eez ready!- Sorbet: good work,
now, Dustus, meet your demise!!!!!- Neo: that's my
line!!!!!!!!- dustus: it wasn't that good in the first place.- Neo: Y-yes it
was....- Serving spoons: HIIIIIIIIIIIYah!-+ ....Hi there...+- serving spoons:
that's how we say "we're going to KEEL you!!!!!!-+Well this is how I say "YOU
SHUCK!" *zappy lighting bolt of egyptian god DOOM*+- King dustus: HIIIIIIIIIIyah
to you too!!!!!! *sends flaming ness to them*- TB: me too!!!!! *Shoots a blast
of water*-Neo: Ya'll are freaks.- Everyone: *freezes*-Sorbet: Oh. My. Shnikies.
Did you just say "Ya'll"?- Everyone: * is sent to some weird point between space
and time*- epic battle: begins- MP: Hi!!!!!!! if you don't mind me asking, what
are you all doing in my house?- King Dustus: And it's... *looks at pasta
sculpture* LOVELY.- CS: hallo. we have a battle to finish!!!!!- MP: begging your
pardon, but that's not going to happen in my house!!!!!! i just had my rigatoni
tile redone!- TB: What no parmesan?- MP: that's in the bathroom.-TB: be back in
couple of seconds *leaves for bathroom*-King Dustus: Wait... why do you have
parmesan in the BATHROOM?- MP: To catch the mice.-Neo: You catch MICE in the
bathroom?-TB: *come running...or rather.. HOVERING past them at high speed*-MP:
Well, you see, these are rather LARGE mice....- CS: indeed... well... after much
review, i have that you are all PSYCHO!!!!!!!-HUUUUUGE mouse: ROAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!
*is ridden by....*-Phantom Ice Cream Cone: HAHAHAHA! KEEP YOUR HAND AT THE LEVEL
OF YOUR EYES NOW! MEET MY STILETTOS!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!-King
DUstus: Wait... aren't those WOMEN'S shoes?-PICC- Well... Yes... um...-
Giant Rat:KKKKKKKKKRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!-Neo: I
thought it was a mouse....- Splinter: Yeah...- Giant... something else: it is a
mouse; he's over there, the rat just came in. MP: Great!!!! now i have Rats
too!!!!!!!-TB: The parmesan... MOVED...-MP: Good Gravy!
+What do you mean "we"? I was
standing over here the whole time. to Be CONTINUED.... can't end it the same way
every time!!!!+
....Or can we?
DUN DUN DUN
Friday Email # 35
"Authorix"
And the manitees
and matinees...- oh! barbra manitee!!!!!!!-Ih.-king dustus:
sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....................
what's up?- Glad you asked.- Evil Bats of Doomy Doom:
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!- doomy doom: *blows up!!!!!!!!*- Wow. He got
exclamation points- and you're bald!!!!!!-POOF- what do you mean? doesn't he
look like us?!?!?!?-I'll punch the sucker right in the...uh...*looks up Human
Anatomy in encyclopedia* Uh.. nose.- i authorize the use of my nose in this bill
bbord-Dude. You could win the nobel prix for that.- a race of nobles?-No a race
of NOBEL ideas.- does it have any bells?-No. No bells.- ray thinks she's clever,
but she's really juast a clover- Greens are greens, the best to eat, they help
grow long ears and good strong feet. Wait... you haven't seen Bambi?- zee great
marbini!!!!!-Retardando..............................- look at the retard,
that's me!!!!!-... I know.- noni!!!! you suposed ta say, that not true, you
cool, you awesome- But liars go to politics, and NO ONE wants to go there....-
WHAT LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING!?!!!!????!?!!!!????!?!!??- AMERICAN, doy.- i
can't underestimate you- No. No you can't.- drill yourself to the seat!!!!!!!!!-
So all you know the Random Announcer is now in plus signs. Danke.-+Now you can
never leave HAHAHAH!!+-Wow, a bit maniacal for you, Ra...-+ ra is never too
maiacal, after all i am some kind of an evilish god thing, i guess+- Yes but are
you miguelical?- perhaps, or perehaps, odor deines muter!!!!!!- Ah...lex.-
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hoho ho hpjh jon- Chase...ing.- chae sing-
Chinese name.- share the blaim- Or pierehaps, it is share the blake?- peir i
kinh ty- Really? I thought the shmukkers epidemic took them all out!- ju mid
kihg ty- What? The !whit! house?- juf gor fn vdye jdg enfg n ty- Time for plan
the next one!- indeed!!!!!! now what is this perky froc doing here?- perky froc:
juf gudh n fhfyg kiikj ty-MARAHOOTE?!?!?- don't encourage it, mary!!!!- JUANA!!-
percy froc the perky froc: gui fjs ffif sdm img fign ty- Seriously?- percy: jug
dui fug vid fid gpu ty- No! Not the sharks with lasers on their heads!!- gu fer
sedt ju ty-Not HaRRISON, TOO!- KING DUSTUS: wait!!! did harrison get kidnapped
again!!!!???????- No just percified.- i'm a perky froc, just reaching out to my
roots- percy: jgud fiuyd fhyg njuud jii ty- Patater?- Potato: It is PO-TAY-TOE.
Sank you VERY much...- percy: fusz, po tay toe fuj guh sde swe desw jew rdcnx ty-Oh,
look, ghostbusters!!-Percy: Der shmukkers...ty...- when did they show
upppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp? *does
sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet drum solo!!!!!!!!!*- percy: red fet ghe duut hjg vncji
dhy fyg jyhjyh num ndhfy ty!-Not the churooooooooooos! *hits Ramses*
+to be continued... unfortunately...+
Shut up, Ra. *is zapped*
Friday Email # 34
"Squeal for your LIFE. Or death. Or donuth."
Well, Africa was
fun...-yeah, it was rather exciting, especially when we got to meet
link!!!!-...But that was Japan...-japan, africa. same thing.-Zac, you agree.
Asia is NOT Africa.-(AFRICA?!?!?!! I thought you guys were in antarctica!!!!)-No,
that's where we're going next.- Penguin: ...Well... THIS sucks.- wait? we're
going to antarctica? since when!!!!???!!!!???!!!!-Since that traveling agent
tied us up and threw us in the cargo hold of an ocean liner going to Antarctica,
that's when.-oh, that's what happened, i thought we were in a closet in the
basement of the secret monopoly of penguins.- Yes. We are.-Ship: *is called "The
Secret Monopoly of Penguins"*-oh.- king dustus: *shows up out of nowhere* i've
come up with a new way to take over the world. i will use this *points at
marshmallow gun*-Cool. Um... Right. Oh, by the bye......... Zac is talking to us
via MSN Messenger while Harrison and I used our newfound technokenisies to build
a laptop out of scrap metal and marshmallows.-(*suddenly, a meteor falls from
the sky, ripping the space of time into little pieces you see in chili, and then
it bursts into little raindrops of strawberry smoothie.....* YAY!!
strawberry!!!!)-Oh no.- Trubllllleeeeeee.......... I mean... Blueberry Blast:
What! How dare they!?- what? oh, yeah, you're a strawberry.- King Kong: Yes,
that's right, I AM a lycanthrope on my Grandmother's side.- cop: sure you are
*shoves king kong into car*-Must be a Dodge Megacab-(And now....its time for the
hairiest, humongoest, and monkeyiest fight of the year......King Kong VS> a Mega
Shroomed DK!!!!!!)-Megashroomed DK: *totally kicks King Kong's As...k your
mother what it's called.*- little kid: mommy, what's it called?-Mommy: YOUR
MOM!-Little Kid: Oh...Wait...-suddenly the random announcer's voice comes out of
nowhere and tells us something that we can't hear because he showed up somewhere
else.-Random Announcer: ...Wait. Where am I?- Random Ethiopian:
Ataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!-Random Announcer: Not
again...-(Random SuperRats: Awwwwwwwwww.......The ethiopians took our
job................ ATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!)- random
announcer: guess what my initials spell!!!!-...Ra?-(K.O.?)-okey/dokey-...Wait....What?-you
share!!!!!!!!-No! You can't have my Trix!!! Never!!!-there!!!!!!!-Spare the
chair beware the hair!-(well.....back to the fight........DK wins!!!!!!!!!!)
king kong fans: yay!!!!!!!... wait.- boat that we just happen to be sitting in
typing with our somehow created laptop: uh oh *blows up*-(Hello?..........Ok, if
this is a mean, typical silent, never respond back joke.......Right back at
you!!!!!)- you can't, but i can!!!!!-(Ha-ha! got you!) got who? now if you'll
excuse me i have a date at some highway... 60b or the likes.-(well......where's
the any button?)- pant pant pant pant pant pant pant apnt apnt apnt apnt apnt
apnt apnt apnt apnt-(*another meteor comes and falls into the atmosphere of
earth, ripping space of time out of place and turning into.........bunnies.)-
aaah!!!!!!!! and on you go.-(and while random funky-colored rabbits are flying
out of thin air.....the meteor bursts apart, leaving giant candy pieces.)-CRAZY
Dancing Cadbury Creme Eggs: Who loves the Chocolate? Everyone loves the
Chocolate. Nobody hates the Chocolate, 'Cause everyone loves the-OKAY OKAY! I
GET IT!! *Boots Creme Eggs out the door*- music: has gone out the window- Good,
the phunkadelic colours were scaring me...-( 'specially the bunnies.......that
were funky-colored....)-No. Phunky.-that a combonation of punk and hunk-Which
you are not. Anyyyyyway. Or Anyhoo. But......... Listen to Carter's Words of
Wisdom!!!- shut up!!!!!!! carter, shut up!!!!!!-It's okay, calm down..........-
then the world blows- *Is blown away by the massive winds*-(If you can expect
the unexpected will you unexpect the expected?)-...I don't know, but I do know
this: If one expects the unexpected, one can be expect to be expected by an
expecting inspecting unexpectant spectre-(........does that mean I can turn into
a bunnie?)- no you don't, because the expected expecter can expect what
unexpected inspector can expect inspectors of the unexpected world of
specter-Then again in respect of the expected retrospect Professor X can expect
his X-men to expect the unexpected...-(I got a new spectacles........what?
sounded like a good idea in my head......) well your head is dead. or not dead
but red or at least that's what i read.- Oh.... that reminds me... the squid.
They wish not to be called the Squid...no...more... *clears throat* They are now
the Super Speedy Squedsters!-interesting- Macaroni Prince: hello, ummmmmm i
would just like to thank for all that you have done for a humble prince such as
myself, alas i must inform you that my pasta parade has been rained on.- That's
unfortunate.- MP: yes... oh look, my initials!!!!!!-Rather.-MP: Dan?-The very
same.-(I didn't send the meteor that had strawberry smoothie in it to ruin your
parade....)- Mr. Costume: hello i just happened to be in the neighborhood with
my third cousin, Mr. Castume. oh did i mention he's french?- aye, you have...
wait, you happened to be in the neighborhood of a sunken ship?-Hammerhead Shark:
Yes, that's right, I happen to be QUITE good with tools.- Mr. T: GET OUT OF OUR
NEIGHBORHOOD, FOOL!!!!- Mr. Rogers: you can live in mine if you like.-Chuck
Norris: *uses a roundhouse kick to throw a ball made out of seaweed......*-Why
look, Aliens! *gets zapped by beam of DEATH*
-Will i get to take over the world? probably not, but still... to be continued-
....Wait a minute... When did you get back?
Friday Email # 33 Part Two
"Something New"
hello, this is
harrison and welcome to something new; new in developments and new in the fact
that it is now more recent than last week's friday email. i would just like to
tell you all in what ways precisely this is indeed new: it is new for the fact
that there will be two emails, one done by me, and the other by ray.- friday
email fans: ohhhhhh fancy *raise pinkies*- very nice, now we have decided to do
such a thing for the fact that, from the radio physic that brought you shmiggy
shmoo and wulgaroo, we have learned of the true end to the world and all that is
random or spontaneous; for, as they always say, though things do sometimes (and
this is natural) they do not have to do so spontaneously thus spontaneously has
been eliminated, goodbye, your friends no longer need you, yours teammates thing
they will be better off without you, don't bother to take a raft because we're
just going to shot you down anyway. *cries*
sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... with no
further of the lily gilding and no adu besides this time wasted talking about
some golden lily... i bring
you................................................................... *holds
breath*................................................................ king
dustus to tell you of the inevitably decided by some crazy lady broadcasting
from a broom closet with stairs end of the wo- the what!!!!!!!!- king dustus:
thank you my adoring fans and servants and those who have nothing better to do
in their lives than sit in front of some computer and listen to me and my loyal
henchmen tell you of you demise *flash back sequins* and yes i said sequins-
don't you mean thought- king dustus: what are you trying to prove?!?!?!?!?!?- n.
n. n. nj. n, nli n,un ,nin nin nin nih nou joh nkun niun nkun ,,jn
ojjefkudisg.- king dustus: that's what i thought. now anyway... it started long
ago, in a happier time, a time where you losers weren't always around me begging
me for some article of clothing or some annoying kid or pet of you to feel the
gentle tap of my nonexistent hands, a time i like to call... earlier that same
day. now i had been walking down the great watery theme parkyness of the great
seven mt. in which innocent ice cream cadets were playing their training away, i
was there to stop this holagainianic tyranny of the watery goodness that had a
gripping effect on all the cadets and even the colonials... *sob sob*... when i
noticed that there was a fearless bird of a terrible type, worse than the doodah
bird and more graceful in its kills than the panbirds, yes, what i saw that day
was the king... *holds for outrageously built suspense* of the seagulls. how do
i know that it was the seagulls you ask- actually, no, no, i did not ask that i
know precisely how you knew. you knew because he was perching... in a tree! and
i know because i study my cryptobirdology- king dustus: what a smart little
one... yes, yes that is indeed how i recognized the fearsome bird (for friday
email fanatics look in page four of the cryptid book of crpytids and croptods,
sold at any book store near me) but that is not all i noticed that they were
plotting and now i know why for i checked my facts with a
griftogokidriftogookologist and i learned a stunning fact: the seagulls saved
our lives many a time in the past, but at the creation of the twisty straw they
turned, seagulls like things that started straight to remain straight and we had
already broken 756.23 laws and this made it an even 736.22222 laws, well over
the acceptable limit: we had to go, we had sealed our own destiny and we were
destined to live with the fishies, particularly the seals and robin, they have
been plotting your death for a couple of years and they have a very short term
memory so the fact that they still remember is the miracle; they probably will
never forget how easily you were annilixed- yes, but, won't you be "anilixed"
too?- king dustus: of course not. they love us ice cream cones: we gave them a
tip.
-will we ever see the light of day? will we ever find the man who forgot to
leave the tip? will i ever stop asking these questions when you already know the
answer?-
-To be continued.-
Friday Email # 33 Part One
"The Root of all Stupid"
Hello all this is Ray
and I bet you’re wondering why this email was sopping wet and why the return
address was from Malaysia, and it can all be explained, but before I do I would
like you to know that the marriage to Harrison’s stalker fairy-person-thing was
completely unplanned, and a good divorce lawyer helped me sort it out. Now I saw
Harrison a couple days back but he was busy working by force for the Evil
Overlord’s Wicked But Beautiful Daughter and I really don’t think he’ll be able
to get to a computer in time so I must warn you all of the impending doom. At
the point that I saw Harrison building a gazebo for the Evil Overlord’s Wicked
But Beautiful Daughter I was tied to a log heading for the fiercest waterfall
this side of the Kertifefffft (Pronounced Car-Tell-Theft) River. You see the
Evil Overlord’s Wick… You know… Her. Anyway, She (I’m sure you know who I’m
talking about when capitalize “She” now) pretty much got pissed when I refused
to wave that ridiculous fern-looking fan for her anymore so a bunch of her
mindless cronies lashed me to a log with only red ants to keep me company and
sent me down the Recfsudfr (pronounced Rec-food-Fur) River and down that
waterfall I mentioned earlier. Fortunately, my log was caught by a massive
flying eagle and I was relieved until it seemed to be taking me to its nest to
feed its young. Only then did I realize that my knife necklace could have saved
me if only Natalie hadn’t broken it the day before and while I was struggling in
the massive bird’s grip a laptop fell from the sky and the parachute it was
connected to got in the eagle’s face and it dropped me at a height of
400000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
miles (In this world the atmosphere goes on forever) from the ground and the
laptop fell on my chest and I looked and it was open to the Friday Email
address! So I took a leaf out of Harrison’s book and I typed with my nose.
Unfortunately, since it was on my chest, I had to do a moderate crunch every
time I typed a few letters. Even the jockiest of jocks would be jealous. But
before I waste any more time, you must know this: The seagulls are going to take
over the world. Because of their immunity, they will take Utah first, then get
the president to name Seagulls the national birds. The end is very near and
there is nothing you can do about it. The only way to prevent this war is to
lure the leader (known as The Great Perch) out of the state with a trail of
Cheetos and kill him there. Once The Great Perch is dead the rebellion will
dwindle, so if your dad’s a security service guy or a policeman, have him carry
a bag of Cheetos with him where ever he goes. It’ll help with the- Holy cow is
that Jabu-Jabu!?
-Why be Goth when you could just eat cookies? To be continued-
Friday Email # 32
"The Marker is Mightier than the Chainsaw"
School's out!!! Woo! We welcome you to the EXTRA ESPECIAL
edition of a Friday Email varied in B Flat.... Go Haley go-(hi)-Thank you for
that ENORMOUSLY HELPFUL SPEECH, Haley. In other news... Sal's cookies are
burning.- Sal: Eep!-And so all of you know... Harrison is downstairs, hitting
stuff with sticks. And Haley is not talking. Go Haley Go!- Friday Email Fans:
*cheer for Haley*-(I don't know what to write...)- And again the monkeys will
destroy us all...- Monkeys: *are in league with the squirrels and flying
pigs*-Oh my. Wasn't that a FINE tiddlybit of information.-and here's another
one, apparently i am going to be paid for playing the drums!-Woot.-(I like pie)-
cake's better- (i am saying stuff unlike what i really am doing! yay this is a
long message from me, haley. yes, i am haley...*coughs*)- Oooooh. Suspicious.- i
don't think it's suspicious, not at all... *coughs*-Funny you should say
that....- King Dustus: oh!! I know this part! This is where you point out all of
his stupid mistakes and all the cops suddenly come out of
nowhere!!!!!!-Okay...um... ONE: Haley doesn't have a big head... TWO: The Monkey
did NOT eat the cheese... they found the giraffe's body in the river...with
remains of cheese in its stomach. THREE: With a big Trap! FOUR: Jeff's bag is-
(anything)- No, Jeff's bag is-is what?-Is... I don't know...-(something)-Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm!
Or was it... Mnbvcxzlkjhgfdsapoiuytrewq? I don't know...- enough with the
gorgonzolas already!!!!!!!-I think so... but how are we gonna get all those pink
tutus on the chiwawas?-(you spelled that wrong!)-Quite-we are all on drugs yeaH
HHHHHHHH-Hahahahahahaha!!!! *is specific about the seven "h's" aren't they
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahaha
okay
tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
much wait... what was i talking about and where am i- In Mooville...-the
squiggles are taking over!!!!!!!! they've already taken jeff and ray!!!!!!!
haley's next!!!!!!!!-(I'm npt drunk...)-and i'm not as think as you drunk i
am... wooofodotht dcjfjgfht. *collapses on floor*-(*follows suit*)-then the
monkeys of japanimation cartoons from the saturdays of my youth but not yours
because you are not nearly as cool as i, king dustus am, am.-
-Queen is a good band-
FRIDAY EMAIL # 31
"I've Never Felt a Belt This Way Before..."
First there was
nothing...- then, there was Julia-And she roamed the lands, and wherever she
spit, there blossomed a Ferris wheel- pardon me I have few marshmallows to
destroy, *10 hours later*- *Wipes sweat off brow* Whew, I think we got 'em all.-
yeah, but your eye paid the ultimate price- Rice, indeed. Unfortunately, my eye
may never recover... just like my thumbnail.- rice indeed, qhwfew-Rice, indeed.
Are you wearing eyeliner?- rice indeed. it's called emo.-Rice, Indeed. Ypu
probably cut your wrists, too.-rice indeed, ypu, hahahahahahaha.-Rice, indeed.
Always seven, eh?- rice indeed, YOUR MOM!!!!!- Rice, indeed. White tea is a baby
tea leaf. And while it still has a naturally light flavor... We pluck it.-
Random announcement: rice indeed, attention, please listen up. Harleton High
School for the Deaf, your bus is leaving. If you cannot hear this, please report
to the information stand.- rice indeed, indeed.- Rice, indeed. Quite so.- rice
indeed. rhh pas- Rice, indeed. Or was it Arrgh Pass? I can't remember... I'll
just go over here.- rice indeed.
qqwernhjdifojjfjdnsnchdjtjfhsfaauiasoisdoudspifjpfkvjougiotre. or was it,
dhfyejrekfjsdhuytiwnwidwuifdvnfnbcjvysudrifgjdflkjghdrukthfmg?- Rice indeed. We
are the knights who say hoookymookywingjotbahwissssssssss! Not ni.- rice indeed.
nie is german for never.-Rice, indeed. Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
*breath* ein!...- rice indeed, i can say my rice fish c's!!!!!!!- Rice indeed. I
see SOMEBODY went to kinderduden.-Reis tatsächlich. i to cild dictionary thing?-Riz
effectivement...Oui... Il est...bein...quail. doo doo doo...-rice indeed. wow!
suddenly everything blew into flames or turned to ice or was drenched in water
or lost in time!- RICE, INDEED!! FANTASTIC FOUR!!! WE LOVE YOU BEN JOHNNY REED
AND SUSAN!- King Dustus: rice indeed, who are they?-collette: *trips* RICE
INDEED.-Lloyd: Maybe a fight with the summon spirit of sumo wrestling...*is too
stupid to have the rice indeed trick work* If one sword= 100 power, then two
swords=200 power!- Kratos: Rice indeed, Dangit Lloyd, that's not how it
works!-Lloyd: Crab battle.- RICE INDEED hey what a CRAB!!!!!-Rice, indeed.
-Rice indeed, will the rice epidemic be vanquished like some giant pair of
radioactive rubber pants? The world may never know-
RICE INDEED, BROUGHT TO YOU BY KANINE KRUNCHIES...
AND THE RANDOM CHURCH GUYS "CH CH" WHAT'S MISSING? UR.
niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!-Rice indeed! The knights who say
ni are unaffected!
-Rice indeed. No seriously, this time we really are gonna end it.-
goo.
Friday Email # 30
"Abbrev. 4 all"
Finally!-it was
hard, like i said-Loserific-the computer was slow and i had to do a bunch of
stuff just to get on where be ye?-oh. AT le computere.-sure-YOu know it.-so...
king dustus was suddenly attacked by a phantom ice cream cone-Ice CReam
cone:kawoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!-is this the phantom
one or some other ice cream cone?-Phantom.-oh, okay. carry on.-Phantom Cone:
Kreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooow!
Flying pig: aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! i told you not to eat any more
canadian bacon!!!!!!!!!!-*hids half eaten canadian bacon*-Oooooh. Sppoky.-sppoky
indeed.-Like Mr. Spock.-*gasps* that is Mr. castume arch nemisis!!!!!-castume?-pardon
my french-Costume's 3rd cousin?-his FRENCH 3rd cousin.-OOOooooh. Oui, oui.-we we
exactly.-we we are are repeating repeating every every word word?-increase
increase power power with with K&N K&N air air intakes intakes !-today is a
happy day! can you guess why?!?!?!?-Um... the grand chancellor chirpy died?-king
dustus: it better not be because some phantom ice cream cone beat me!!!!!-no and
no.-he's got faagan's money!!!!!!-GET 'IM!!!-i got 2 million pixels hay hay hay
hay !!!!!!-...cool-what do you mean exactly when you say the word cool?-hello,
jeff- <i...can...barely...read...your....font color>-i know but i can't figure out
how to change it.-<click the big a above the text box haha it looks like it says
click-smart-but instead of typing dick...i typed click...again hahaha!>-you're a
strange one-<yes...indeed>-so i'm writing the friday email and ray just abandoned
me... so do you want to help-<YAY!...i mean...sure>-okay so just start talking
like you would on the regular friday email-<wait...now?>-yeah-<okay ...HONK!
yes...It's me!...Jeff....in light of this new information...i'm wearing a paper
bag on my head. Oh, and if you don't come and see Honk! I will have to eat your
soul...in handy cabob form of course.>-of course
now to catch jeff up we were just about to reveal some secret-<about?>-i actually
can't remember -<so it wasn't as big as we thought or you're just a cotton-headed
ninny muggins?>-i'd go with cotton headed ninny muggins it seemed important at
the time -<important being what? Was it like...Mr. President important...or Hillybilly Joe important? Oh wait...those two are the same things...Hobo Bob
imporant?>-i don't know.-<I see...so where's Ray at this late hour of 10:53 pm? Or
is she helping out with the set?>-home she just left me i don't know why-<so why
isn't she helping? Or is she too GOOD for us? Yup...I think she's too good for
us...GOOD....GOOD....HONK!.....GOOD....?>-*yes she thinks she just so more
special than we are. -<special...special!?...special ed maybe...and what's up
with her and that one kid...I can't think of his name.>-harrison?-<Um...no...that
OTHER kid...what's his face?>-your mum?-<yes...quite so...find her if you would.
it can be a game...like where's waldo>-i'm on it-<good>-where was she last
seen-<um...somewhere over there...I think *points* yes...that...general
direction.>-that big toxic waste land?-<yes...that one big land that's
inexplicably huge and it defies the regular order of time and space and could
never exist in real life but it's right over there>-okay *walks off in general
direction*-<Now that HE'S gone...I can tell you the real reason behind all
this...We all know that BB is pretty crazy...so I've devised a plan...*holds up
Strait Jacket* We're gonna put this on him...and steal his strawberry...or
something...*begins laughing manically* *throws Jacket into air whilst laughing
incredibly hard* Mwuahahahahhahahaha! *Jacket falls back down...onto Jeff's
body* Ah Crap.>-Bbb: hahahahahahaha!!!!! they can never catch ME the great triple
B!!!!!!!! hahahahahaha!!!!!!! i bet that everone is so lazy that now that i've
mention triple b they're all going to start calling me TB!!!!-Neo: stop your
whining, TB-<*Whilst Struggling in Jacket* TB huh...TB stands for....tragic
Beating....yes...just like you're going to get>-Morpheus: Yes Neo...tell him to
stop whining, my weird sun glasses are getting all foggy...-Oracle: you must
choose wisely-Morpheus: We discussed this already oracle...there's nothing to
choose from!- Oracle: that's your decision!!!!-Morpheus: Whether or not there was a decision?- suddenly
all power and electricity goes out and a phantom voice is heard over the high
pitched screaming of Harrison-<What now?! *uses stage vision powers*>-i guess
oracle was right, there isn't a choice.-<Wait...what? that doesn't make any
sense...she said they're wa.....OOOOOHHHHH I get it now.>-yes well now that you
understand that, can you tell me why i'm suspended in air by a tooth
brush?-<What?>-who knows... only king dustus can help us now and he's probably
half way to japan by now-<Wait...*looks at pic of TB* when he holds his
swords...they appear to be floating right...so MAYBE...TB is trying to brush
your teeth!...to death!>
Friday Email # 29
"Shmiggy Shmoo Is Watching Out for You... Like, Seriously."
TWO GUEST STARS.
WOW...- yes it truly is a wondrous occasion...-And... you know, Marth is a
prettyboy.- i didn't know you felt that way.- He and Zelos are like... buddies.-
oh and die vebsite ist ready!!!! just go to www.fridayemail.borgsport.com-
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHMMMM!-~Mehararaydahafhdsfahrashahahrahdrah!!!!Or was
it...Mehardshdhfdsofiashdtooiuouooooooohoooooiiiaaaa? I don't remember...I'll
just...go over here now...*runs away*~ *waves* HI Jeff!!!!!-king dustus: who is
that?!?!?!- That's not for you to know young m... Ice... cream... thing. Myes.-{Ur
mom said yeah... what he said}-ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... okay........... well
while everyone is occupied with ocarinas or whatever and all that i shall tell
you of their stupidity... well... they're... ummmmm... stupid.- Myno.- ~So meow
you guys know what the meow is going on...excuse me...Are you saying
meow?.......yes....yes I am~ {vat arrrgh yuuuuu takN bout...myes...ummm...like...youno...vatever}
suddenly the floor rumbles and Bbb comes out of the rafters!!!-
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN INNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN THE RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFF*passes
out from lack of air*- in the raff? what's a raff? *pokes Ray in eye with
stick*-{YAY!!! STICK!!!!IN Ray'S EYE!!!!!MUAHAHAHAHA..........*GASP*....*dies
from lack of air?*} ~So...what you'rmeow saying is that Ray is meow? Um..meow?
But there's a problem...*cough* *www.pirate-vs-ninja.com* And what's up with all
this dying? D...Meow is for those of use who can't follow a link...so
FOLLOW!!!!~
...................................................................................................
I hate cats.-we're well aware of the, Ray. now leave my presence- Under the
tree, or in your stocking?- no you're stocking yards-~Scotland yard? Didn't
Hudini escape from there...yeah he did...I think he was naked too.~{*twitch*}
twitch?- neo:
yahahahahahamamamamababababahahahahawawawawawasasasasasaqaqaqaqaoaoaoaoapapapapapapalalalalalardtydlfguafl-
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABADABADOOO! myes. ^Morpheus from the matrix: It's time to
go fight an agent for no reason...NO REASON WHATSOEVER!! WHICH ISN'T evem a
word!!^ ~Yeah...so lay off the drugs man...red pills...blue pills....who cares?
I don't so let's spell stuff right....evem? that's not a word....stoopid dood.~
Oracle I don't give a DANG about choices, just give me the DANG CANDY!!! *
punches out Oracle* Strawberry: Heeeeeeeeeeelllloo!- ergo!!!!!!! shopping is
fun!!!!!-@random voice: ur mom is a college@-New York.- ~I volunteer to kill
everyone...i mean...type...typing is fun! fun fun fun! *dances to crazy music*
OLD PEOPLE RULE!!!!~ In funland!!! Wooo! Look out for that EMP!!!
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 28 (part two)
"A Double Feature, Just Like The Fifties... Only Without the Sequins."
(This is the continued part of the Friday E-mail that was sent about three
minutes ago, although if you compared the times, it would be like 45 minutes,
since it takes so long to make these, and yes I, zac, am still here.) to catch
you up with the story in case you couldn't tell that this one was sent AFTER THE
OTHER ONE!!!!! this is what happened, you went back to your inbox and read the
other one first!!!!!!-
.....................................................................
*points at line of impending dots* Um the ants are coming to eat Dustus's
cherry.- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOT THE CHERRY, AND WHY THE ANTS? DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO TORMENT MY DREAMS WHILE
I SLEEP?
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
*breathes* YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY- Don't worry, the guy ate
the jar of pickles.-*sigh* well that's a relief.-(Ah, the Irony.....of pickles
in a jar......) i think we're in a bit of a
pickle-(uh-huh.......anyway.......*random exploding pig falls from the sky and
detonates in the pacific ocean...*)- Wooh! Fried shark Barbecue!!!- soul
kabob!!!!-Kuzco! or... However you spell that!!-yzma... i think that's
right!!!!-(We really need to get back to the story....)- Oh yes- Dustus: This is
WAR! but first i will take care of your little master creater thing whatever you
call him.-Neo: My name is Ne- Dustus: Never mind that! *shoots fire stream at
Neo*- Neo: *shoots jetstream of ice*- Bbb: Ooh, that looks like fun! *shoots
water*- Ash Ketchum: NO!!!!!!!!!!*gets hit by all 3 beams at the same time and
gets turned into stone*- Pikachu: Pika? Pika pi? Pika... CHU! *shocks Ash*- How
tragic. Anyhoo. I don't care.-i have to say this is a rather interesting
development.-(Where did he come from? A two-year old's imagination? He looks
so.....demented..)- Who?-(That guy that just got turned into stone, of course. I
think Bbb has a medusa head....)-Bbb-WHAT!?!?!!!- Oh, I know how to kill him
then. One time I was playing this Hercules RPG on my PC and I was facing this
medusa boss and you run behind the mirror things and she turns herself to
stone.-odysseus-(yeah, I've played a version of that...except that the medusa I
was fighting was so ugly that her power broke the mirror...)- Oooh. Nasty.
-continued...sometime over the rainbow-
Friday Email # 28
"I may be an Idiot but I'm not Stupid!"
In a stunning new
genetic development, Neopolitan has created an ultimate being... capable of
destroying towns, armies, and even Wal-Mart and McDonald's...possibly the
strongest monopolies on the planet... maybe even the universe... and even the
Robinsons' cat... this is his story...
Neopolitan: Blueberry Blast! Come here this instant!!
Bbb: No!!! I want to get my strawberry!!!!
Blueberry Blast was an imposter. Of Dustus. Only... Neopolitan was a horrible
artist-(he used blueberry ice cream instead of vanilla, a strawberry instead of
a cherry, and sour cream instead of whipped cream.)- Oh. Speaking of which,
welcome Zac.-(Thank you, ray. This was gonna be one of the first times with 2
guests, but Jeff chickened out at the end......or didn't remember. Any
way.....Where's my art contest money???)-I'm *throws arm* poor. Leave me alone.
I eat at the soup kitchen I can't afford to pay you right now.-(I'll bug
harrison then. He's away at da drum lessons right now, but I'll poke him when he
gets back.........*laughs maniacally like Blueberry blast.......)- *power punch
to moon*-(Yay!! I get to colonize the moon!!! *gaggles like there is no air
there.....* Well....back to the story........Bbb (Blueberry blast) is in a vocal
fight with neopolitan....)-Sega was better.-(No, Super Nintendo Entertainment
System is what Sega Genisisn't!!!!!)-Well Genisis does what Nintendon't!!-i'm
back from drum lessons!!!!- neo: i don't even have to try to kidnap you!!!- Bbb:
Huh? I can just cut you open with my evil floating swords that I hold with my
nonexisting arms.......*pokes harrison*- Bbb: *reaches out to massacre
Harrison*- Dustus: *jumps in front of Harrison*- Bbb's sword: *screams and turns
to dust*-Bbb: Ah darn.- Oh I never get tired of that.- sword: *comes out of thin
air*- Bbb: hahahaha!!!!!! i have an endless supply of swords.- Like Legolas's
arrows?-yeah.....'cept they don't have feathers....-Bbb: I'll show YOU
feathers!-Dustus: enough small talk. Blueberry blast is it?- Bbb:yes.-dustus: go
sit over there while i turn neo into dust! hahahaha!- Bbb: okay, but I still
haven't gotten my strawberry....-Dustus: It's on your head- Bbb: oh yeah well...
yours isn't!!! *flicks cherry off crown*- *Gasp*-(*GASP!!!!!!!*)- *gasp*-
Dustus: *gasp* YOU HAVE DONE THE UNTHINKABLE!! SINCE IT IS THE UNTHINKABLE, I
CANNOT PUNISH YOU BECAUSE IT IS UNTHINKABLE!!!!!!!!! THEN AGAIN, SINCE YOU HAVE
THOUGHT OF IT, THERE WILL BE WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 27
"...In China it'd be Friday"
Hiya, peeps! As Harrison is lazy
and all in Provo-ness, I'm going to be doing the Chinese Friday Email this
fine... Chinese Friday. In other news, you guys are all LOSERS (I mean that in
the most loving way) and you haven't done a picture for the Contest. So Zac gets
$5 and Jeff and Mike get $1 each. They're also all "Honorary" . So... In light
of the current events I would like to tell you the sad and slightly drunken
story of Neopolitan Bonaparte, the Archenemy of our good pad KD. (King Dustus)
Once upon a time, he had been a hero and well respected member of society. But
that has now been destroyed. It all began in the rural landscape of France...
*flashback music sequence*
*fade in with slightly drunk-sounding French accordion music*
Neopolitan was the second son born in the Bonaparte family, though most are more
familiar with his older brother, Napoleon.
Mr. Bonaparte: "Sacre Bleu! Never before have we had an ICE CREAM CONE born in
the family!"
Terrified of their new son and feeling a strong loyalty to the Spartans on Mrs.
Bonaparte's side, the Bonapartes deposited poor Neopolitan in the depths of the
woods.
Mr. Bonaparte: "I never noticed these woods here before."
Mrs. Bonaparte: "Shut up and keep driving."
They had figured that Neopolitan would die out there. But that night an old
creepy guy wearing a monk cloak stumbled upon the helpless baby in the dark.
Creepy Old Guy: "What are you doing out here?"
Normally the man would have eaten an ice cream that he found, but this one was
big... and crying. Plus also he didn't like Neapolitan flavor. The man took Neo
back to his cave. The man's name was Billiam Bobert the great.
Over the next few years, the Billiam raised Neopolitan, training in the ways of
Taijitsu, Ninjitsu, and Icecreamjitsu. (how he knew the latter, I'll never know)
Finally, on Neo's 18th Birthday...
Billiam: "Neopolitan, you are now ready to use your powers for good in the
world! Go well, my son."
Neopolitan: "Thank you, Billiam. I will always remember your kindness."
Neo took his place in the world, fighting petty crime with his force fields. But
one fateful day...
Neo: *sigh* "Grocery lines always take so long..."
SUDDENLY
Some random lady: *scream*
Neopolitan rushed over to see what was amiss. He arrived, alert.
Neo: "What? It's just a pile of dust!"
Lady: "But it WAS a person!"
Neopolitan was instantly interested. Neo: "Really? So what happened?"
Lady: "There was this HUGE ice cream cone! Well.." She added, looking up at him.
"Kind of like you."
Neo: "Never mind that. What.. how did this person get turned to dust?"
Lady: "Well, the cone just kind of bumped into him, and he just screamed and
turned to dust! It was horrific!" She was in shock.
Neo: "Just one more question, miss. Just who was this guy he bumped into?"
Lady: "Some old guy in a monk cloak."
Neo: "Billiam! Noooooooooooo!" He closed his eyes, trying to shut it out.
Billiam was dead. He was the closest thing he had to family. Suddenly the
sadness vanished and was replaced by a burning hatred.
Neo: "Hey... do you think you can give me a discription of this Ice cream?"
Neo nodded as he listened to the woman's discription. He made a mental picture
and memorized it.
"I'm coming to get you," He thought, "I'll have my revenge..."
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 26
"Dinosaurs on Rampage at the Kiddie Park"
HEY WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!? WE
ONLY GOT TWO PICTURES FOR THE FAN ART CONTEST!!-YES AND ONE HAPPENS TO BE
MICROSCOPIC!!!!!!-Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me!!! Sorry I said 'no size
limits'- that would be your fault!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-*sticks tongue out*-*coughs*
so... anyway... do you think we should tell them who won or keep to tradition
and leave them all hanging?- No I think we should have a bit of extension on the
contest, I mean.... honestly, people...-Tradition it is!!!!!! anyway to keep of
the subject truly suspenseful moment in friday email history... we bring george
the blob from outer space!!!!!!!- George: (yeah, uh, it's truly an honor to be
here on the friday email)-So... *laughs* How do you feel about your...
*grins*...One...Eye! *laughs*-( um it is truly an honor to have one eye)-
Blob.-be polite. gosh Ray!!!!!!!!!!- Me? Polite? *cannot imagine such a
catastrophe*-scientist from the fridge's ghost: ahhhhhhh-...Um......-........um....-(.....um....)-....Anyway....-maybe
if we sit still it will go away.-DON'T MOVE!!!!!!! THE T-REXES ARE SENSITIVE TO
MOVEMENT!!! - Velociraptors: Screw that! *eat Ray*- scientist from fridge's
ghost: ahhhhhhhhhhh- King Dustus:*comes in and runs into the scientist ghost*
oops. i just turned your friend there to dust- ...Can you really turn ghosts to
dust? *is apparently unharmed by velociraptors*-(eats food found in ender's
pantry)-George, is your last name Ender?- (no why do you ask?)- ...no reason-
announcer's voice from out of nowhere: and now introducing the new form of sign
language!!!!!!!! unospeak!- If U no speak...-try unospeak!!!!!!-
Anyhoo...-signs- Swing away!-robin hood steals from the poor and gives to
greedy!!!!!!- Takes a large percentage, so he's not needy! He rescues pretty
damsels, in the hood! Monsieur Good!-yes and then this guy came in and ate your
face, but gave me the rest of the flesh and Jeff the souls- "One has to learn
this things, unless...unless... There's an arrow in your butt!" "Oh, would you
look at that!"-unless your tot- Wrong "You're"-wrong face!!!!!!!!loser!!!!!-
Cow:... Moo.-this is where the kitty litter really kicked in!!!!!!!- "You know,
I think I have the cat for you... perfect one, too... good thing for your rat
problem... in fact I almost feel sorry for the little guy... we were about to
gas him again."-um......................o...kay.- Yes.
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 25
"A Calm and Collected Slap to the left Ear"
This is the umm...
*counts on fingers* twenty-fourth email!- wow and that would make this the
twenty fourth friday since that one fateful day... but let's not start another
dream sequence.-Time warp, I'd say... And actually, more like the fourteenth
Friday...or...seventeenth...actually...- yes that took you like forty seven
million hours and a half to figure out-You try counting the fridays when you're
a reclusive teenager who has nothing better to do than write books and come over
to your house to do this stupid email- that's a perfect description of
me!!!!!-Um... you're already at your house anyway, DUKE!-yeah well do i have
anything to do but that!!!?????-Um... kill people and eat their flesh...-yes,
but i'm nice so nowadays i give their souls to jeff.-That's not really nice,
actually, he probably puts them in bottles and drinks them...- well at least i'm
giving!!!!!!- The gift of doom, misery, and carnage.- yes... but jeff likes to
eat souls!!!!!- He does make a QUITE tasty soul kabob.- now, on to business- And
speaking of Kabobs, I think you ought to meet our friend, the Macaroni Prince.-
Macaroni Prince: (hello, how are you. i am the macaroni prince!!!)-Yeah. He
doesn't really have any powers, he just is incredibly, SICKENINGLY, polite.-(why
thank you and may i add, your clothes compliment your eyes perfectly!!)- Um...
Black clothes. Blue eyes. But...okay then...-yes... well... just to add some
random thing to talk about... i challenge the macaroni prince to a duel of
wits-(Oh, I could never beat you, Sir Harrison, you are far too calm and
collected!)- why thank you... aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh... now he's got me all
polite!!!!-Oh no that would be so HORRIBLE for you to be nice!- i said nothing
about being nice i said polite
*burps*-*blurbs*-*chirps*-*disturbs*-(*compliments*)-That doesn't even
rhyme!-(I'm sorry, I just had to add something. I've never been as clever as you
folk...)-well... not that this hasn't been fun and all, but... let's get on with
the challenge!!!!!-(State your terms, oh proportional-headed one!)-interesting
choice, ummm, answering question involving the friday email provided by ray-Oh
goody.-(you first, sir harrison and might I say, Ray is possibly the best
question asker in the world!!)- don't get too excited there- (oh, if you
insist)-Kidoke... so... which gender of panbirds has the pans on their wings
facing up?-easy, the males-That's cor *cough* Sorry... correct! So... Mister
Macaroni Monarch... in what order are Neopolitan's flavors?-(Er...Cho...colate...vanilla
strawberry?)-Quite so! Harrison. What was the name of the email from which King
Dustus first originated?-oh that's easy. the first one we made him in got
deleted because we tried to attach a picture of him, and it never had a name.
but the one we sent out talking about him was called "maybe it will work on this
one"-Hm. Macaronnnnnnnni! What fruit is perched atop King Dustus's crown?-(Erm...a
cherry. And with its little sparkle!)-Yes. Harrison! What newly released
creature is a mix between a crab and a fish?-erm that's a hard one... a...
clam?-No. Prince?- (oh...uh... a... blubsnap?)-NO! Idiots! It's a CRABFISH! Geez!-
King Dustus: *runs up, apparently out of breath* Hey you guys! Check out my new
power!-(*lights on fire*)- King Dustus: Oops!
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 24
"Happy Leprechaun Day!"
*pinches Harrison*-*on nose*-*throws fire hydrant*-*catches it
and throws it back*-*turns off movie with cool special effects* So...-yes, i'm
going to take this time to introduce our guest person... Natalie!- And for all
you Zanzibarbarians out there... It is "Nzatalie".-and, by popular request...
the word of the week... perkyfrock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- A perkyfrock
is...a...something...that...does...something... AND NOW- i shall tell you all
that pi has officially gone gangster!!!!!!!- Yes that poor kid in the boat with
the tiger...-named Calvin- No he's named Pi.-(so confused...>.<)-The first
smiley ever on this thing...interesting...So.-hey guys!!!!!! did you know that
if mike had a relative named pat his name- Oooh! It would be Pat Ricks!
*grins*-and he would be a saint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- Hey, no one related to Mike can
be a Saint.- doesn't saint feel so special!- Uh.... Okay...
Whatever...-dots.........................................-Ha... Take... That...
Natalie...-(jerk. I'm not your friend anymore *sticks tongue out at Ray and hugs
Fuz* )- You know... I'm gonna go get a soda. Have fun.-my name is fuz now!-(and
he is much more fluffy and huggable than Ray. So...What have I missed other than
ray getting over her tear-devin-apart phase?)- neopolitan was introduced!!!-Hehehe...-
Neopolitan: breaks through roof and kidnaps Harrison.-Again?!?!-( again?
alrighty then.... And for anyone who cares, I'm now mad at Ray. )-Isn't she
always?-(no. Just when you open your fat mouth.)- i'm a poet and i didn't even
noet- I believe that would be "Realize it"...-but that doesn't
rymmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!-( I thought it was the sound not the
spelling....but oh well. Fuz is now the almighty king of English and can make
whatever law he wants! ^.^)- But you don't tock. You tick.- from now on 'i'
comes before 'b' in all words!-( cool! see? fuz is the coolest english ruler
ever! except he needs an accent...But it's shamrock day, not leprechaun day,
just so everyone knows. And I know this because my huge shamrock earrings say
so.)-I hate to ibreak it to you.. ibut those earrings...scare me...-(that's
because you have no common sense. Everyone likes huge, green, shamrock, julia-attacking
earrings!)-- That's insane! You let Harrison make rules aibout English, ibut you
don't follow them!-( I am rebelling against our almighty king. It would be no
fun if he was unquestioned. and since I'll hit ray if SHE questions
him...)-Uh... I'm not going to even mention how many languages you were writing
words from...- ibilly ibit iby ibit ibecame a ibanana- Look at my hat! Look at
my lovely hat! Ibanana: It is a FINE hat... Clown: Who are you? Ibanana: I am a
IBANANA!!!-(i'M AFRAID of bananas since sam sent me the spider/snake banana pics...*slaps
Ray for being mean*)- the hat!!!!!!!! it's melting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! do
something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! quick!!!!!!!!!!!! before i kill
again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- WEREWOLVES!!!!!!!!!!! *gets dog biscuit*-(good doggy!
*pets werewolf* now go kill ray! good puppy!)- You know they won't kill me! The
Cerberus...es wouldn't! So there!-(Ah, but now we're on Earth! And these are
people temporarily transformed into cute, fluffy-eared puppies! So they WILL
kill you, or at least severely injure you, tear off your limbs, rip your throat
out...You know. Anyhow, now I will kill you for almost knocking over my
soda...TWICE!!!!!!!!!!! *slaps ray*)- WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND FLUFFY
EARS!?-(They're FLUFFY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and...cute, and well...fluffy.)- Earth:
*spontaneously blows up*
-TO BE CONTINUED......-
Friday Email # 23
"Racing for Stew"
Hooray for Stew!-
yes stou- Stu- well then... *backs away slowly and just barely avoids running
into King Dustus only to get caught by neopolitan*- Jeez, there he goessssssss
again...- *musical notes* there she goes there she goes again- THE PARENT
TRAP!!!!- or is it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????-
Myesss....- maid: *walks into room covered in all types of things and dust* oh
my what a myess!- In cassssssssse all you are wondering, i am prolonging my
sssssssssssesssss becausssssssse i wasssssssss bit by a nearly lethal ssssnake...
Fortunately, I sssssssurvived...-no i wasn't wondering. i saw the green skittle
come into the room.- And we musssstn't forget the newly disssssssscovered bird,
the DooDah!- News Reporter: you don't say, any relation to the panbird?-It'ssss
itssssssss third cousssssssssssssin, sssssssssssseventeen timesssssssssss
removed... by...marriage...- in a carriage- It'sssssssssssss itsssssss
heritage...- and your name is privilege O>O-And...Plaque buildage...- and the
vikings pilage-a nearby village- in the country of feriliage-Ohh! Look!
Ssssssssssssssspillage!- and spinach- Jusssssst a minute!- anybody want a
peanut-No thankssssssssssss, I've already ssssssseen it.- that's it i can't take
it!-I'll take your finger and I'll break it!!!-see that cake, i want you to make
it!-If you want a cake, YOU'LL have to bake it!!- O.K but then i'll get to take
it!!!!!!- I wasssss Ssssssssnakebit!- here, have a a red skittle!!!!!!-Thankssssss...
*eats it* So.....- death man is dead-MISTER FROSTY VON BADNESS!- hey
everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm back!!!!!!!!!- So tell me, Mr. Badness, how is it
being a evil pop tart?- (a apple)-B banana. C carrot.- but seriously.-(
seriously, it's just PEACHY!!!!!!! hahahahahahahaha *chokes on frosting*)-D
durian. E eggplant. F fungus.- That's pretty funny so what are your plans on
teaching me to type?- (personally, i think you're pretty hopeless, Harrison...)
G grape. H horseradish. I ice cream.- Dustus: Hey! *reaches out to Ray
threatiningly*-Okay, okay!- Iguanas: ATAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 22
"A litter of Corn Puppies, A slice of Shut Up, and A Side Order of Friberries!"
Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! How about them friwhatsits......-or my
personal favorite, a litter of corn puppies- I got a ice scream cone!!! Ice
scream: Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!- and now, introducing a returning guest,
Julia!!!-(yello all u people out there)-Purple! Orange Gr... Oh wait, we're
done.- put your hands in the air!!!!!!!!!!!!-Ew put them down you stink-(EWWW)-Dodger:
"g vfv b vgg vb.lko.kl" Thank you- that translates to mean, i am too cool for
you losers.-And isn't he?-(cows)-Yes. I agree,- completely-How fatal?-
completely-Oh dear sugar honey iced tea.-(and peas and cheese nips)-AND
CHEEEEEEETOS!- the captain has NO need for cheetos!!!!!!!!-Horse.-(of course)-
the s's will come and kill us all!!!!!! and elvis will shoot down santa's
sleigh-Osh nso is thsink tshe s's asre affsecsting mse.....-(?.?) stosp maskinsg
fsun osf mse.- julia's slow-Too slow. *is attacked by the man in the
rafters*-(he's coming for me next *runs for life* i'm okay)-*twirls poker*
You'll not get me this time, and the children are fine, thanks.- deep voice from
out of nowhere: suddenly neopolitan bonaparte bursts through ceiling and takes
harrison captive-What happened to the scientist in the freezer?- he failed!
duh!!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean do you honestly think that some loser scientist that
lives in my fridge would be successful- I mean the whole plan with the living
gargoyles wasn't very realistic.-(hi)-You know, dogs have cleaner tounges than
humans.- hey!!!! i escaped somehow, let's go!!!!!!-(hi)-Princess Bunhead! What
are you doing here!?-(something unknown to mankind)-Get 'Er, Polly!- Building:
*turns to dust*- I think I can guess who dropped in for a visit.- yes, the stay
puff marshmallow man- No! kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing Dustuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus!-(i'm
still okay)- How disappointing. Now, say hi, Dustus!- Dustus: hello my loyal
servants... I mean friends.- Sup, Homie G. So.... Ever find any gargoyles?- King
Dustus: no, but I found neopolitan about fourteen times.- At least it's lucky.-
how!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all is lost for some
reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-Look! A spidercow!
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 21
"Don't Fry Good Griffins (#) At Camp Dustus"
we all know the more common
musical phrases: such as FACE and Empty Garbage Before Dad Flips. but i bet you
you don't know this one: Don't Fry Good Griffins At Camp
Dustus.-Ah...yes...Fried Griffins. *clears throat* So, um... We'd like to
announce today's special guest star... Leah!!!- This day is also monumental in
the fact that it is the first friday email written in from this email
address-*is stalling until Leah comes back from calling her mom*-(hhhhhiiiiiiiiiii
Ray spelt my name wrong *cry sniff cry*)-HAHAHAHAHA!
I...spelt...it...wrong....*breathe*....-alright you sicko!-(Ray is scaring
me)-Is...Malcom...There? (They left me! I am all alone!)-*dances*- *runs away
and falls into a room full of mirrors and falls down dead of fright*-Yay he's
gone.-(Where?)-To a better place, I guess... *looks down*- actually i'm up here,
how i got in the rafters i'll never know-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MAN IN THE RAFTERS!!! *grabs
poker, tequila bottle, and fireplace remote*-(RRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!)-
thanks, navi, i wouldn't have known that had you not yelled at me! Ray's evil
and deserves to die a thousand eaths today-You mean deaths?- "You shall die a
thousand eaths and
deaths!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"exclaimed
Harrison-(A little too much fun with the exclaimation marks)-I think he is- "is
what eh?
what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????"
exclaimed harrison in a questioning tone of voice- To which Ray promptly replied
by thumping him soundly on the head.- harrison then grabbed the hand and broke
it off, afterwhich the hand disolved to nothing- Ray laughed and revealed the
fact that it had indeed been a fake hand.-(I thought it was suposed to become
dust)- King Dustus: hey, he's no me!- Yes he's a perkyfroksfsdskegtdrst.-( OH
pardon my mistake. *back away slowly*)-Beware the perky...thing...- yes, but i'm
a rokyprocitrodfgy-okay, I'll be a perkyfroc. You be a Rockyproc.- and leah can
be a reckyfrep-( What? *pokes head out of harrison fridge* Don't ask how I got
in there)- As it is commanded, so it shall be done- yay!!!!!!! i have a fridge
named after me-( well excuse me for forgeting the "s" Mr. eath)- no i like
having my own fridge!!!!!!- *makes a lovely trio*- yes we do- *sings*
Neeeeeeeeever there..-(Oh it's over)-But here's a good song now.-( are you
kidding me the other was ten times better) maybe so and maybe not but i don't
really care as long as it's a good cake song i don't judge-( Cake? why didn't I
see that in your fridge) because i tend to not eat good bands the bad ones are
pretty good-Hi ya'll *hisses at evil word*-( oh cake is a band who would name a
band after a desert)-As in Sahara?-(you say tomato I say tomato Ray just dragged
fuzz out the door I don't remember why I was to busy eating cake)-I'd like to
say I can beat Harrison at wrestling even though I'm a cripple. I'd also like to
say that I am going to be a quarterback when I grow up and also that Swish Plop
could beat Harrison at wrestling-(OK how did we get on that subject ,for those
that weren't here we were talking about unibrows) Yeah and harrison hit me in
the mouth, and I took him over to the carpet for a little lesson teaching. And I
beat him so bad at wrestling.-(Yes smart one you already said that FYI: Harrison
has left for drum lessons)-... He has?- ( Yes, observant one. liar)- I didn't
lie. I would never lie. Shut up, voice in my head.-(OOOKKKKKAAAYYY Ray's talking
to herself) ...............noooooooooooooooooo....... *shifty eyes*-( Ray just
sit there, uh why are you sitting on the ceiling?)
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 20
"Onion Center Pieces"
Happy Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-We apologize for
the inconvenience of you not having your Friday E-mail last week and I'm sure
some of you were crying out in grief at the loss of such an important
tradition.-yes so in order to make up for the loss we will make this one extra
long, yes i know that means that it will probably take ten minutes to read and a
few more to understand, so you'd better pull up a comfortable chair.-*grabs
futon* Yes we were delayed because the scientist in the freezer had some very
important things today.- like saving the world, one giant chicken jumpsuit at a
time. or like the time when he came and stopped neopolitan from defeating king
dustus, even though they are both evil and both have awesome powers.- Yeah. But
that's another story for another time. -(what's the deal with onion centerpieces
anyway?!)-I quite agree, Kirsten. Maybe it's an ogre thing-(i believe it
is!)-Folks, welcome Kirsten to the studio, because as everyone knows, it's no
fun to make a Friday email alone.-(idiot over there is in drum lessons)-She
means Harrison, for all you non-kirstenish speakers.-(sure.... i meant ...harrison,
that's right)-Well who else is in drum lessons-(ummmmmm...)-That's right. So
what are your thoughts on the Ice Cream Tyrannist, Neopolitan Bonaparte.-(well.
it depends are there little sprinkles on the top?)-No, but he's got a monocle -(ew)-Yeah
he looks like, NINE....-(huh?)-Huh as in what?-(i think we both know the answer
to that)-And for all you Inuits out there, that is spelled "Tink".-(yes Ray okay
you can tink that...) Wow you speak Inuit?-(doesn't everyone?...)-Yes. *sighs*
I'm over here speaking Marthonis to myself...-(this is really confusing
considering that i have no idea what you people are saying anyway...
so...)-*grins* Oste Osren Demson?-(OKAY.............................well Ella
over there es muy hmmmmmmm.... oh si, ella es muy debil, gordo y feo...)- Tu
parlez Spanish? Oui? O No?-(i take offense to that! oh yes that was the word i
was looking for... tu es muy muy muy muy muy muy muy muy
antisimpatico!)-Allouette, jente allouette, allouette-( thats enough of that!)-
(nevermind... I'll keep talking.... whats the deal with my brain why am i so
obviously insane... in a perfect situaion i let love-) No. That is NOT how you
spell situation-(i blame laney) -Heh. Yes I think Laney, just like everyone in
my drama class, thinks I'm cool.-(don't you mean tink????!)-What a hard song to
learn-(was that a tone of negativity in your voice!.... wait i don't care, so
enough of me talking... what do you think of me???....)-That you're lazy and you
need to go clean the carpet.-( I believe that it was a rug....)- GO CLEAN THE
RUG *pulls out thunderbolt*-(uhhuh *not going to clean the rug*)-Say goodbye to
your allowance, then... *prohibits further Kirsten talking* So... We plan to
attack Neopolitan tomorrow...*scary music*- dun dun dun- sooooooooooooo...
what's the plan exactly?-Not sure. He never told us.- why?-It's a scientist
thing- WHAT!!!!!!! DO THE SCIENTISTS NOT CARE FOR THE POOR PEOPLE THAT RISK
THEIR LIVES TO DO SOME RANDOM THING THAT INVOLVES FORCE FIELDED ICE CREAM CONES
AND HAS A 89% CHANCE OF FAILURE?!?!?!?!?!-What has the chance of faliure? The
plan, the poor people, or the ice cream cone?- all of them, and none of
them!!!!!!!-I suspect everyone, and I suspect no one...*Gets attacked by Basil
from Baker Street*- oh! like the little mouse and his dog friend can do
anything!!!!!!!!!!-Oh look, Thomas O Malley!- oh really, and i thought they were
swans!-*looks at encyclopedia* Hm...Canadian geese, I'd say...-i think they're
mexican, actually! *smiles*-Wow.- now i'm proud to announce the fact that this
email has the great opportunity to repeat the original, not word for word, but
just by the fact that we are going to tell you of the official email address of
the friday
email!-Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*breathe*eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssss
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss...it
is in code for special purposes: moc.liamtoh@liameyadirfylkeew
GOOD LUCK DECODERS!!!!!
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 19
" Desserts backwards is 'stressed'."
*twitches* Taun is reading over
our backs. Taun: *is actually in front of me*-and for all those croatians out
there it is spelled "redaing"- Taun: HAIRBALL SHUCKS!!!!! HAHA!-I quite agree,
taun, anyway where were we... Oh.. yes. Neopolitan Boneparte.- yes, the only one
that king dustus ever feared-And still does as Neopolitan is still out
there...SOMEWHERE...- yes but the question is, where. to help us with this
dilemma i have invited an old friend of mine here-Mr Costume: yes, thank you
glad to be on the friday email once again.-Crazy PyroKinetic Child: Hehehehe...I'll
get that costume...- O.K. i think we should lock that kid up up or
something-Flame Retardant Man: *swoops away kid*- okay, so being the only
witness to the battle between king dustus and neopolitan boneparte, how about
you tell us a little about it.- *weighs mouse* Oh yeah. Sorry. Oh, by the way,
for all you Irish out there, it is spelled "Bettle" and "Witnisss".- Mr.
Costume: yes, glad to. i still remember it all so vividly, i remember it like it
was yesterday,- and if i recall correctly it was yesterday-Yes the only and
final battle between these two sweetened dairy dessert powerhouses- mr. Costume:
yes and it was an epic battle with them fighting on rooftops and in sewers and
in the ice cream parlor- So Mister Costume, what happened at the end of the
battle?- Mr. Costume: well, neopolitan fell through this hole in the street and
pulled King Dustus in with him and neither were seen or heard from again.-
But-*gets cut off and opens new folder* Woah. Sorry. Anyway, but King Dustus
returned to us last night, didn't he?- yes he did-So where is Neopolitan?-
neopolitan: *hides in chair in the middle of the nonexistent audience*-Looks
like we may never know.- well then let's bring king dustus out here where he
could be easily attacked if neopolitan was here in this room- Oh, by the way for
you New Zealanders, that IS spelled "Attcked". All right, King Dustus, come on
down! You're the next contestant on be the bait for your feared arch-nemesis!!!-
theme music: *begins to play*-King Dustus: *cautiously pokes head out*- come on
king dustus, we promise neopolitan isn't here- Flying Force Field Ball Of DOOM:
*hits Dustus* *turns into dust*-Dustus:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-
oh look, it seems neopolitan was actually sitting here in the audience all this
time!- neopolitan: *comes out of hiding* it wasn't easy getting in here without
being seen...-Well duh, you're a giant Neopolitan Ice Cream Cone radiating
physic waves- Neopolitan: Shut up, Ray- oh, look here comes the monologue- King
Dustus: not if I can help it! *reaches out to touch Neopolitan*-Neopolitan:
*force field*- Dustus: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *breath*
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DUST!- neopolitan: hahahahahahaha!
just try and stop me!- *hiccup*- Thank you for that LOVELY hiccup Duke. Now, to
the...FREEZER!!- what's in the freezer?-A highly trained scientist who has just
the thing for this problem!
-How will this Delicious Standstill end? Find out next in the adventures of...
Those...one annoying kids named Ray and Harrison-
Friday Email # 18
"The Friday Email of Tuesday Doom"
Hello and welcome to our
late edition of the "Friday" Email. Yes it now officially is a magazine because
so many people have subscribed and we thank you for your generosity, even if it
is under the false pretense of friendship.- yes it may be false for you, but
they really are my friends-It's FALSE. That's what they want you to think. They
just like you for your money...wherever it may be.- no, they like YOU for your
money, but they like me because i pretend to be your friend for the lowest
price-...-that's right-....I have friends online, though...even though they've
never met me and don't even know I'm a girl.- yes that is a sad story, but not
quite as sad as the story of groundhog day- and for all you Czechoslovakians out
there, that IS spelled "Groundhag Day."- well for all those people like Ray out
there i can't ever do anything right even when i'm trying to do something
wrong!- *claps* Go get the Club Cracker, Duke!- NO! i refuse... wait did you say
club cracker?- Keebler Elves : "Yes! Soon our plan for world domination will be
complete!" Captain Jeff: *drop kicks that one old-looking one*- i think his name
is edd- Really? Wow, I never would have guessed. He looks more like a "Pippy."-
well it's good for him that he isn't because if he was i would've "dorp" kicked
him- Yep. Dorp-kicked. So....GROUNDHOG DAY- Groundhogs: no! it is groundhog's
day, we own that day now!!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!- Kacheli- *clicks gun*
hehehehehehehe.....- Kacheli, put that groundhog down...- Little dorky kid: "Mooooooooooooommy!
She's killing the groundhog!!!"- well i don't think he'll be seeing his shadow
next year-...Do they have shadows in he- yes, i'd think so i mean it's got all
those flames everywhere- And yes, for you iraqis out there, it is spelled "Fklames."-
and for all people out there like Ray, prepare to DIE!!!!!!!- *cracks knuckles*-
O.K. you win- Yes. Good Lindy. KEEBLER ELVES: *tempt*- 22 skidoo-...*raises
eyebrow* o...kay then.- yes, it is okay- Yes it is. Hey Duke! What's this
flashing thing- oh, that's just a detonator- Oooh! *presses button*-
-To be continued-
Friday Email # 17
"None"
Hello, this is Harrison
and this e-mail is dedicated to natalie, who is sadly moving away today, but,
like all the other e-mails, it rarely has anything to do with how it began by
the time it ends and almost never has anything to do with the previous e-mail,
for example, last e-mail Ray got rabies and we left you handing with the
question: Will Harrison Ever Get Back From Drum Lessons? but, as you can clearly
see, i successfully got back from not one but TWO, count 'em, TWO drum lessons
and i bet you're wondering whether or not Ray made it out alright, but i can't
tell you that, as far as i know she still has rabies and i lost contact with her
a few hours back. But don't be alarmed the worst that could happen is that she's
dead. But she's probably just lost in the nearby pyramid and soon be back home
with only a large cut across her back a few scrapes and a broken arm and, of
course, a sprained ankle. I, on the other, am in worse danger, it may have
seemed to you that i was happily sitting in front of my computer, typing to you
without a worry in the world but to be brutally honest with you that entire
sentence is completely wrong: First off, i am, not 'i was'; secondly,
dreadfully, not 'happily'; standing, not 'sitting'; below, not 'in front of';
and my laptop, not 'my computer'; pressing buttons with my nose, instead of
'typing to you'; and finally 'with every worry in the world because i have just
been tied up and thrown off a cliff with my laptop that is holding secret
information about the very creatures that threw me off the cliff, the saridnes
(pronounced Sa-rid-i-ness) since you are the only people that i can talk to i
feel i must send you this important message: The saridnes are small fish that
were once thought to be harmless and, once the trees attacked and were all
destroyed in freak fire that happened out of nowhere, helpful via a source of
oxygen and that they are trying to take over the world and that they are
powerful enough to destroy an entire species, which they proved by destroying
all the trees with their super-fishy powers. i would also like to add that they
have teamed up a number of crustaceans the giant squids and tuna. it seems that
they didn't drop me of a cliff after all i think they may have just dropped me
off a plane at a height of at least a lot of miles above land and i'm starting
to get the hang of typing with my nose so i will talk a little longer, i may
even end up typing more than i have ever typed in one of these e-mails ever,
unless the ground comes sooner than i expected, wouldn't that be a nice going
away present for natalie? now where was i? oh yes falling at accelerated speeds
heading strait for the ground. but i guess i'll tell all the odd things that
i've discovered from falling for such a long time starting at such a high
height: we're all aware of sea turtles and tortoises, well i am here to tell you
about air turtles, they look exactly like sea turtle except that they fly
through the air like peter pan speaking of peter pan it turns out that there is
a chance that he really exists or existed because i'm pretty sure i fell over
nevernever land some time back there, also speaking of pans, i recently
discovered a bird that at first i had wonted to call the harrison bird, but then
i decided to call it the panbird, because of its pan like wings, which i
discovered after closer examination of them. i also learned that the males have
their pans right side up while the females have theirs upside down, the females
will lay the eggs and put them in the males wings were they will stay until they
hatch, then the father will do a loop dropping all the chicks out into the air
where they will learn to fly upside for the first day of their lives. i also
learned that they never ever land and i can't blame them, i mean their home is
way up there in the sky and it be a long way to land and then come back up. well
i don't know if this has been my longest e-mail yet, but as far as i can tell it
is so i'll stop for that reason and for the fact that i can see my house from
here!!!!!!!
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 16
"Creepy Fangirls"
WE HAVE NOW OFFICIALLY
DECIDED THAT SOMEONE OUT THERE WISHES FOR US TO DISCONTINUE THESE EMAIL
SESSIONS-*cries*-Poor e-mail... It was so good too...-WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE
YOUNG?????WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!- You know they say "nice guys
finish last"- what does that mean?-That we're nice and we finish last- finish
what last?- ...A bowl of cereal.- i haven't been eating corn-HE LIES- ah yes
,but i'm still sad, there were some great things in there-*sighs* I got to kill
Devin... Inadvertently- you killed the creepy fan girl's inflatable devin-But I
still killed a rather creepy facsimile of him- i guess that counts-We should
burn what's left of it.- but there's nothing left of it-There's tattered
fragments-of memories of destroying it-Okay fine but I wanted to watch it
burn.-well we can get another one and burn it- Where would we get another one-
from one of the creepy fan girls-Yes but last time I got one they bit me. *shows
arm* see?- Yes well now you're infected- Oh no. *chains self to tree* I have
rabies!! Quick! Hand me a piece of paper!- you don't need to make a will you're
not gonna die- No I'm making a list of people to bite!-i'm not in the list am i?-
No.- good *leaves for drum lessons* -Well now I'm bored. I think I'm gonna end
this because it's no fun when you're doing it alone.
-Will Harrison come back from Drum lessons? To be continued..-
Friday Email # 15
"To Good To Be True"
hello people, now I bet
you're wondering what's with the title or maybe you aren't because you've gotten
used to the fact that all these titles have nothing or very little to do with
the e-mail, but this one has a bit to do with this e-mail for yesterday just
before I left for the comedy improv I wrote an e-mail and it was classic, but
alas it seems that all the truly great one must die and this one did I wrote the
e-mail and I was very pleased with it but when I tried to send it it didn't work
and so I tried to save it as a draft but that didn't work either and so sadly
the e-mail died but now the computer is working fine and so I write this e-mail
in a hope that the memory of the e-mails lost will not be forgotten I shall tell
you all exactly what was in that e-mail so that you will know of the classiness
because it seems to me that all the ones that die start great things such as
king Dustus, the first recorded e-mail of king Dustus died in the process of
downloading a picture of him to the e-mail. so to begin the e-mail I talked
about nothing just about how I had been thinking about thinking of things to
think about. then I said that I would not tell you guys about how I escaped the
giant ants and the cave because it involved begging and kissing their feet until
they shined and giving some old lady a bath and then I said that my escape was
very pathetic because I had been their slave in compromise for my life but they
still tried to kill me and I ran off and found out that the entire time I had
been just around the corner of the exit and I could see my house from where I
stood and I ran to my house to tell you all about it and I said that now that
I've told you all about that I don't need to worry about you pressuring me for
the story because I already told you about kissing of the feet and the bathing
of the old lady and about the jelly doughnut, actually no I didn't tell you
about that and I don't intend on telling you so I'll just change the subject as
fast as I can so that you'll forget all about what I just said and I did I
started talking in a random language and I said that I was talking either in
gibberish or some other name I can't remember what it was) and then I started
talking about where they came from and I said the planets name (which I can't
remember either) and I said that if you can't pronounce it then you should just
go and visit the locals who will eat you and digest you over the coarse of 7,000
years which is longer than they live but you still get digested because another
one will eat the dead one and you will get digested in it's stomach , and I know
what you're thinking, I said in the e-mail, you're thinking that it won't be so
bad you'll be dead for the entire process but no the acid in their stomach's
will keep you alive for the entire digesting process until the very last day of
the process when you will suddenly burst into a billion tiny pieces and then I
said that if you can pronounce the planet's name then you can stay here where
you will get torn to pieces by giant ants ( it will be very painful but it will
end sooner than the first option) and then to end the e-mail I said that you
need to make your decision fast because the world won't get a chance to end the
way I said it would in the last email, the world ends now!!!! via GIANT
ANTS!!!!!!!!!!!! but as I'm sure you could guess the world didn't end, I don't'
think it's ever going to really end because some random guy keeps changing it I
don't even know the shape of the planet anymore, sure you think 'oh I know it's
round' but no that's not true that's what they want you to think, last I checked
I'm pretty sure earth was shaped like an eight but it probably changed again
since then. now if you're completely lost in my telling you of random facts that
you can't comprehend then just stop listening to me which would actually be a
good idea on account of the fact that there's some new form of the end of the
world coming our way and I'm too lazy to tell you what it is so I just suggest
to run for your sad pathetic short little lives while you can even though it
definitely won't do anything and you will all be dead by at the latest, next
Tuesday!!!!
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 14
"The End of the World Comes Once the Pickles are Left Alone"
hello people this is
Harrison writing to you from deep with in a dark cave. and I bet you all are
wondering what am I doing in a dark cave, how am I sending you an e-mail from a
dark cave and how did I get out from all of that random stuff from the earlier
e-mail (and by the way the influence was king Kong) and the answer to all those
questions is a simple. logical question that can be answered in one word, but I
won't answer it in one word, I will answer it in how ever many words I choose to
answer it in. that's my way of sticking it to the man' and so the answer
to your question is... an ordinary man who trained hard under the great eyes of
some guy who did the same training as him under some other person who did the
same thing etc. to become an extraordinary man with extraordinary powers, used
unusual methods of magic and what not to get me out, unfortunately he wasn't
that great at magic and ended up trapping me in a cave. and I knew that I had my
listeners expecting an e-mail on Friday, but alas I was unable to get out in
time and some time this morning the wizard realized what was happening and
instead of taking me out of this cave he sent me a laptop with internet
connections. so here I am and here I write of the destruction of the world,
first I shall tell you that the world will be destroyed by a pillow a single man
and the failure to eat an entire jar of pickles before the cat made it up the
stairs and there pretty much isn't a second pretty much at that exact moment the
world will explode. there is an epic story that can be told about this point in
future about a young man on a quest to stop this event to happen, but I won't
tell it to you because it's pretty stupid I mean it turns out that he is the one
who messes everything up. first he bursts into the room and hits the cat with
the door who goes flying and lands halfway up the stairs and then he chokes the
man who's supposed to eat the entire jar of pickles to death because he was
trying to make him eat them faster! I mean seriously, how stupid is that?! well
gotta go the giant ants are starting to collapse the part of the cave that I'm
in
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 13
"Try To Guess The Influence of this One"
hello my friends
and, yes, I know that it is not a Friday, but we missed last Friday and so I,
Harrison, am writing to you now. so I will start by saying happy new year for it
is in fact a new year as I'm sure all of you noticed and if you didn't I would
have to question your sanity or your ability to hear. so as I was saying happy
new year and unfortunately I was foiled in my plans to take over the world and
I'm not going to tell you how all that I will say is that it was sad,
embarrassing and involved betrayal, but the good news is that it is a new year
meaning a new chance for me to take over the world, but I won't do it this week
because I have the cops watching me like a big group of hawks. and if you
haven't noticed by now I write this one on my own which is a real treat for
those who have been reading since the beginning and for those who haven't
because this is the first one I wrote on my own since the very first one I
wrote, a real treat, 'tis an honor I say. now I shall quickly catch you up on
exactly what held me from writing to you on time and that is that on Friday
Kirsten, for those who don't know she's my sister, was having a birthday party
and I would have hid in a corner most of the time because of the barbaric and
terrifying ways of their partying, but I had a job to do so I opened my room
door and stepped outside bravely, unfortunately the party goers were smarter
than I had expected and had set sentries up outside of my room so I went and
threw the first three out of my way and wrestled past the flesh eating wolves
but just as I felt like I was going to make it I was caught of guard by one of
the natives and they tied me up and took me to a giant trench to offer me up as
a sacrifice to kjflkhsf Kong which I assumed meant king, but you know the saying
about assuming and if you don't I won't tell you, but the big ape came and ate
me but I had fortunately brought a couple grenades with me and he got blown up
with me landing safely in a canyon thing filled with giant bugs, not too hard
I've been in this situation before so I got out of there in record time but came
to get eaten by a bat (how on earth did that happen?) and to make it even harder
to get out the bat got eaten by king Kong (I thought he was dead!) who was then
eaten by a leech (I didn't know that leeches could eat things!) that was then
thrown to the bottom of a ditch and covered by giant flesh eating snakes with
venom and super mutant powers (there were bit by a radioactive spider) which
were then buried under tons of dirt which was eventually used as the bed of a
river heavily guarded by king Kong (how many of these guys are there?) but I'm
pretty sure I can get out because when they put me through all of this there
forgot one very important thing, I'm king Dustus
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 12
"Christmas! Warning This Letter Has Almost Nothing to do With Christmas."
Hello all and merry
Christmas Eve eve, this is Ray and I would like to say that duke isn't
answering...-yes i am- I see, well happy Friday-and by the way, it's christmas
adam-Christmas Adam?-yes adam-Meaning what?-adam and eve- OHHHHHHHHHHH, gatcha-yeah
and how did you get back anyway?-From...- the squirrels-Oh yeah, that- yes
that-Well you see I had a peanut in my pocket and I threw it and escaped as they
chased it-interesting idea-Quite so, yeeeeeeees-so everyone... having a good
christmas?-Meaning our faithful subscribers-yes exactly-Though they actually get
it involuntarily-sorry for the way this letter might possibly seem because it
was done in a weird way that i never would have thought of doing- It all began
with the fact that I spent the night at Kellie's (my sister) apartment last
night-and she would have been back in time for us to do the letter the normal
way but on her way home she was attacked by a couple of highwaymen-Yes and a
Rather Cheeky Griffin-yes an RCG, nasty things-*hugs Rilo*-rilo: screams and
turns to dust-Only king dustus does that- suuuuuuure just make me feel bad,
picking on the short kid eh-With the big head-my head's not big!-Denial is the
first step to stupidity-well it turns out that biscuits are the first step to
the dark side-*Gasp* No!-it's ture-Ture, indeed-just because i think can't
strait doesn't mean you can pick on me, wit a second-You spelled straight wrong,
and wait- who cares!!!!!!!!!, before you interrupted me i was about to discover
something-Okay, what-i am king dustus and everything i touch turns to dust,
right-Yes- i think i am in a good position to take over the world-Yes,
and...-and anyone who tries to stop me would turn to dust-What if we attacked
you and smothered you with dust?-then the dust would turn to dust and blow away,
plus everything doesn't just turn to dust it screams and turns to dust-But what
if we dropped an atom bomb on you?-so all hail King Dustus, king of not only ice
cream, but of the world!-But what if we dropped an atom bomb on you?- then all
the atoms in the bomb would scream and turn to dust and so would everything
else-And you'd smother-i, king dustus, do NOT smother!-PROVE IT!-o.k. i
will*puts pillow on face*-pillow: screams and turns to dust-there you have
it!-But what about eating and drinking?-my insides work differently than my
outsides-How do you get it to your mouth?-i use my toungue-but how do you wear
clothes?-i don't-We could melt you- i already melted once, if you refer back to
an earlier letter, you know the one that got deleted, i melted in that one- You
did?-but i'm still here and yes i did, you know your questions are starting to
annoy me, i think i'll make you my first victim, besides all those other
victims, they don't count-oh, i'd never do that, merciful ice cream lord, sir
*smirks*-very well, i will spare your life, for now, come my new found minion,
to the white house!- Yeah sure, whatever- hahahahahahahaha!!!!! ALL HAIL THE
GREAT KING DUSTUS, KING OF ICE CREAM AND SOON TO BE KING OF THE WORLD!!!
-to be continued-
Friday Email #11
"Maybe it will work on this one"
Before we begin, I would like
to say that KING DUSTUS ROCKS. Almost as much as Sam Walker, who is BETTER than
Duke.-what are you talking about i am the best and i am the main character- You
don't even come in until like the fifth chapter- i was waiting for a great
entrance- What an entrance, Duke it was REAL great.-well let's ask the audience
what they think- Fine- Audience:> so confused!!!- Well, duke, since the audience
is indecisive, we'll just assume that I'm better- where would you get that
assumption (hey that's not nice) This is ray speaking and I would like to
announce that squirrels are attacking the earth!!!!- Squirrel: screams and turns
to dust- Squirrel Grand Chancellor Chirpy: THAT'S IT! WE SHALL GET THE
PIGS!!!!!-Pig: what's this I see? Canadian bacon I thought I told you guys not
to eat that horrid stuff any more!!- Well, you see, mister pig sir...we were
not...TECHNICALLY...eating... it...we were...just looking at, see...- that's it!
i shall eat you!- Who's gonna eat me again?-ummm... julia.(Hey that's not very
kind I am not going to eat anyone!!!! Plus I am not hungry) -well then i have
just one question: we've all wondered what human flesh really tastes like, so,
you in?- (Not really but I am always looking into new things to do) good then
let's start with ray- HEY! *runs* well that's the end of Ray so i'll just tell
you the legend of the great king Dustus king of the ice cream. you see it all
began two attempted e-mails ago when ray and i were writing and i kept turning
everything i touched into dust and then i got very frustrated and i went to get
ice cream and was turned into ice cream thus i became King Dustus, king of the
ice cream then i turned back into a person and King Dustus stayed so now he's
the coolest person in the world and all must hail him. i think you will find a
picture of him attached to this letter so please look at it and note that it was
drawn by ray.-glorious i think i almost started to cry from that wonderful story
telling of yours-thank you julia but i believe that you are breaking the rules
because you are talking outside of the parenthesis- (oops.... fine then i will
be trapped in these parentheses for ever!!!) - yes you will now what happened to
Ray?- (harrison how could you eat her when i was typing ,you were hungry weren't
you? ) no i swear i didn't do it! tell them i didn't do it, Mr. costume!-(It
must have been the squirrels we were talking about)-squirrel grand chancellor
chirpy: they're on to us! quick run!- well that was kinda weird.-( what did i
tell you about the squirrels ray why didn't you listen to me why!? why tell me
why!?!?)- there is a way to save ray but it's hard and will have to be done next
friday or else all will be lost!
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 10
"REMEMBER THE BOTTOM ONE IS THE FIRST ONE!!"
Now it seems as though i
have nothing else to do in this series, but end it. i'm pretty sure that you
guys are all now begging for more and are sad that i'm considering ending it and
i am too. unfortunately Ray left a long time ago and without her the fun of
this is slipping fast. it was really fun while she was here and i was trying to
keep it going until she came back but i have no idea when that while happen so i
think i'l just tell you that my new e-mail address is bogstorth@msn.com yes that
is the long awaited answer to your question that you never asked it isn't quite
as exciting as you thought huh? well that's my e-mail address and now that i've
finished i'll just tell you that i think i'll send you a new one of these every
friday well write me back soon and tell me if you liked them i'm sure i'll have
fresh ideas next friday.
Harrison & Ray
Friday Email # 9
"GOOD TIMES"
ah yes the subject couldn't be more right what
good times we have indeed had. i say that we take a moment off the subject and
reflect on all the good times we've had i remember how excited i was that i was
going to tell you my new e-mail address and how i decided not to then we had you
all confused by my argument with Ray and then when Ray drugged me and i
couldn't talk and that when i returned we innocently thought that it was the
last letter until the pigs attacked knocking Ray out and then we lost the
battle with the pigs and they made us not eat canadian bacon anymore and then as
i was about to tell you the answer i had to go and when i came back the bugs
attacked and then i got poisoned and some how made it to the hospital and was
saved then told you the answer and here we are now oh my look at the time i
getter be going now or i'll be late!
-To be continued-
Friday Email #8
"I'VE LOST COUNT OF HOW MANY I'VE MADE, BUT HAVE YOU?"
here is the
continuation of this letter thing and i bet you're wondering how i survived the
bite from the giant spider and it's a very interesting story involving me not
doing anything at all! isn't that great? well anyway by some strange chance i
managed to fall out of my window and get carried by a strong wind over to a
hospital where there was a bored doctor that specializes in poisons from spider
bites and he helped me be recovered for free just because he was bored!!!!! well
let's see where was i before the bugs attacked... lets see got cured got
poisoned bugs all died bugs came in, i was about to tell you whether or not pigs
can fly... oh yes that was it!!!!!!!!! let's see here ummmmmmm i knew this let's
see........... oh yes i remember now the answer is no wait i mean yes yes that
is the answer no, i mean yes oh i think i need help, i sure wish that ray was
here oh wait know i remember, they can. THANKS FOR THE HELP, FLYING
PIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 7
"THE ANSWER TO THE ULTIMATE QUESTION IS 47 BUT WHAT'S THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION"
at this point i'm sure my readers are divided
one is completely and thoroughly annoyed with me and the other is cheering for
more. correct me if i'm wrong and that there really is another option or maybe
that you guys aren't divided but i don't know now i'm sure you guys are wanting
to know the details to my pest problem, but i won't tell you the details just
little snippets, such as how it happened and what happened as to the how i don't
know the details but i do know that the giant bugs got in through the big hole
in my roof that the pigs made and the details as to the battle is really quite
gruesome and so i won't tell you them but i will say that the bugs were evil and
were probably sent to me by that fairy mentioned earlier. i have question too,
if you get bit by a spider that's black and has a red spot on it will you die?
*falls to floor*
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 6
"who five letters already!"
hello my friends, i bet you're wondering why
we had to stop so suddenly with seemingly no problem and to your disappointment
no answer to the question of whether or not pigs can fly well in due time you
will know what the problem was and whether or not pigs can fly. first the
problem was that of two things first that i had to do my drum lessons and two
because ray had to go home now the long awaited answer is well isn't this weird,
i was just about to tell you the long awaited answer to the pig question even
though the real long awaited answer is to the question the i'm sure is in all of
you guys's heads what is my new e-mail address? but i'm going to answer the pig
question first and then the long a waited answer... but first i have to take
care of a little pest problem
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 5
"CAN PIGS FLY? FIND OUT WHEN THE GRAND MARSHALL OFFERS US A TOFU DONUT "
well, this is Harrison and i
would like to say that the pig fiasco is over with after dealings with the
chancellor of the flying pigs, the police, and a few wily cats that wanted to
borrow a toaster- the grand marshal wants a word with you- oh okay... that was
the grand marshal, he say that we can't eat anymore Canadian Bacon-yes well that
was an adventure if i ever saw one- what are you talking about little john,
we've had bigger adventures than that in our day!-like the time you fell in love
with a fairy and she tried to sacrifice you to the devil?-i seem to remember you
doing that!-Suuuuuuuuure you do.
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 4
T"HE LAST E-MAIL IN THIS SERIES, HOPEFULLY -WHAT A SHAME"
Hello, this is your friendly
neighborhood Ray speaking, and I'd like to tell you all that Harrison has fully
recovered from his "Pill" fiasco and is with us in the studio. Isn't that right,
duke?- don't speak for me! i'd like to tell you that i don't think any of you
guys deserve to know my new e-mail anymore, i mean you didn't even try to help
me while i was being drugged- *shifts eyes* Uh...I didn't know there was opium
in there...- what are you getting at?-Uh...CHEESE! it's good, right?- why that
is most definitely true and i would like to tell you all that Canadian Bacon is
actually ordinary ham- You know what? I really like carrots- by jove i believe
you're right-*gets mauled by flying pig* HELP!- well that was sudden, i'm so
sorry to tell you this, but you guys are all going to have to wait a little
longer while-Oh I'm fine he was just protesting canadian bacon...*collapses*- oh
my look there's more of them!
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 3
"THIS IS STARTING TO DISTURB US UP HERE- NUMBER 3"
this is the third act in the
play that i am starring in-you're not the star! you're just the costume artist
(and not a very good one may I add) Look at this HORRIBLE costume!- well you're
horrible inside the costume it's not the costumes fault- it's an inanamite
object, duke, we told the doctor you'd stop talking to things that weren't
alive- and i did, isn't that right Mr. Costume?- *shakes bottle* PILLS duke!-ohhhhhh
i think not straijt can't rest e-tell mail......
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 2
"CONTINUED... OR IS IT? -Ray: IT'S THE SPAWN OF THE FIRST ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so this is the the sequel
the second the next one the one after number one the big kahuna fabulous
finish-Okay duke that's a bit of an oxymoron there- well you know what your an
oxymoron - you know you used the wrong you're.- oh sure just make me look like
an idiot in front of all my friends-you look like an idiot while you're behind
your friends, too.-well so do you!-Thatq';s what you think- yes thatq;'s what i
think- no you got it wrong it's apostrophe semicolon not semicolon apostrophe-
yes that's right i can't do anything right even when i'm trying to mess up i do
it wrong!-You'd better believe it- that's it i'm too angry to tell you my new
e-mail address!
-to be continued-
Friday Email # 1
" READ THIS FIRST. READ IT I SAY!!!!"
attention all
readers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
>
>yea that makes it look like a chain letter
anyway...
what i was saying before i got sidetracked by the arrow things that make it look
like an instant message i was about to say that i have a new e-mail address and
the new e-mail address
is...................................................................................................
*opening letter* sound familiar? well if it doesn't then you missed out on a lot
of fun stuff anyway...-HI!- quiet ray now where was I...oh yes my e-mail address
is.....
-to be continued-